Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Like all moms, there are days when Mother Nature just wants to feel sexy. Somehow, this leads to hurricanes.

   thinks that he has stumbled onto the secret of true happiness, but unfortunately, he hasn't figured out a way to charge people for it.

   Someone said I met Jim Beam last night but I don't recall.

   Why do they put slow cashiers on the speedy checkouts?

   I hate it when at the drive thru they give you 2 packs of sauce sauce for a 10 nuggets, but 2 packs of ketchup for a large fry! WTF?!

   having a "Who the hell is Mel Kiper? My mailman knows more about the draft than he does." moment !

   going to make an app called Stephville that way people can gift me items that I need around the house.

   Good thing I never got my zodiac sign tattooed.

   almost drowned in the shower yesterday, so today I have my life jacket and the voices and I have rehearsed what to do in case of an emergency

   [ ] single [ ] taken [x] dating imaginary person, that's perfect for me

   Am online on facebook only in morning, afternoon, evening and night.. otherwise am busy in study.

   i was sick of partying and thought i'll take a break for few days but this Osama just gave me a reason to party again.. tonight i'll have Osama Shots

   may not be the best, but I'm the best I've ever seen

   Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody else is reading it?

   if you let one of those dancing roadside Statues of Liberty do your taxes... your refund will be a hammer and a bag of tangerines.

   After everything I've been through.... This can't possibly be "as real as it gets"!

   i dont care how much ice cream you have your not gonna put that banana there.

   An apple a day keeps everyone away, if you can only throw it hard enough.

   Psychiatric labels are nice way of sugar coating the fact that some people are just plain a$$holes.

   It's hard to bury the past when you keep digging up old memories.