Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's with all the lame Obama jokes now? He's not been President for over a week. He's gone.....

   I'm having an old person moment....How do I work the camera on my microwave?

   It's not called "Looting" .... Under this administration's politically correct policies .... it's called "Undocumented Shopping"

   Socialism works so well, people build boats from trash to escape it.

   The internet is blowing up over the first lady's shoes?? Is this what we've come to in America??

   I'm sure those pesky Russians are behind these hurricanes!!

   sn't gonna buy the new i-pad......I hear next years version is coming with wings....I can wait! :-)

   ...didn't even know that Lindsay Lohan was addicted to milk. I thought it was crack...

   Spent the whole day checking items off my task list. In retrospect, I probably should have used that time to complete tasks

   just pressed the REFRESH Button of her life, and Wowww it feels great :D

   saw a one armed man in a second hand store the other day.

   Ok, does it make me too competitive, if I begin deleting friends solely because I can not beat their Bejeweled and or Family Feud scores?

   I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.

   I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn't mind driving a tractor around.

   If your hips roll over the top of your pants then they're TOO SMALL! just sayin

   Dear woman behind the counter at CVS: I want to thank you for snickering when I was buying tampons for my wife, it made the situation just a little more akward!

   Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

   Ever try to take a Barbie out of it's packaging??? What, is she going to escape? Is she into bondage?

   my friend told me he just got a new walk-in shower so I had to ask, how the hell did you get in it before?

   Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.