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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Has anyone ever encountered a semi-stranger barefaced freeloader in their life?
←Rate | 02-23-2014 06:03 Comments (0)

X says I thought Sochi was uncooked fish?
←Rate | 02-22-2014 22:26 by hannah09 Comments (0)

X says go to - type "........" change language to Japanese, click listen... Enjoy!
←Rate | 02-22-2014 17:28 Comments (0)

X says Those little Girl Scout devils got me again. It never fails...
←Rate | 02-22-2014 15:27 by sully Comments (0)

X I've completely replaced sex with food. I had a mirror installed over my dining room table.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 13:43 by Stuey Da Moose Comments (0)

X Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 13:30 by HiYourJon Comments (0)

X says it's about time the majority of those people who opposed Marijuana have finally died. . .
←Rate | 02-22-2014 12:31 Comments (0)

X Jimmy Fallon's monologues are weaker than a mixed drink at a strip club.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 11:34 by Sudz Comments (0)

X says Body language can be so subtle that only an intuitive person can read your mood. Body slams, I have found, are far more direct.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 10:06 by Seth Sanders Comments (0)

X Patiently waiting for the Pro zac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!!!
←Rate | 02-22-2014 08:57 by MWC Comments (0)

X says Calling Justin Bieber gay is an insult to Freddie Mercury.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 08:19 Comments (0)

X says Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 08:18 Comments (0)

X says How much does Morgan Freeman charge to narrate a sex tape?
←Rate | 02-22-2014 06:57 by Ivanna Tinkle Comments (0)

X says Yes I am that one ex she doesn't want the world to know she ever dated.
←Rate | 02-22-2014 06:45 Comments (0)

X says If you don't like what I am playing.. I can play mmm Bop !
←Rate | 02-21-2014 23:44 Comments (0)

X says Everyday I'm shoveling. - Winter 2014
←Rate | 02-21-2014 23:38 by fadolo Comments (0)

X says If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
←Rate | 02-21-2014 23:14 by fadolo Comments (0)

X I am convinced that Kellogg's works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
←Rate | 02-21-2014 22:44 by Oregon Comments (0)

X says If your boyfriend can't bench press you then you have a girlfriend.
←Rate | 02-21-2014 18:19 by ImSoFunny Comments (0)

X says When I get home the first thing I'm going to do is rip my wife's panties off. Because they're too small and the elastic is killing me.
←Rate | 02-21-2014 14:46 Comments (0)

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