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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 14:10 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says There is nothing more painful than watching the new girl make the sandwiches at Subways.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 14:01 Comments (0)

X says I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 11:47 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I channel my white side when I'm approached by the cops..
←Rate | 08-30-2014 11:44 Comments (0)

X So, that's $27 million for ALS research? Feels great!!
←Rate | 08-30-2014 11:09 Comments (0)

X says my vodka just did the ice bucket challenge.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 10:36 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I've decided that I'm never going to get back to my original weight and I'm OK with that. After all, 6 lbs 7 oz. isn't a realistic expectation.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 10:04 Comments (0)

X says ALS Foundation admits that only 27% of donations are used for research!!! How's that bucket of ice feel now?
←Rate | 08-30-2014 09:43 by EJS Comments (1)

X says I hear 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather are going to settle their feud in the ring. I'd actually pay to see that fight- I bet if I was lucky enough to catch one of 50 Cent's teeth I could sell it on eBay.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 01:41 Comments (0)

X says 50 Cent OR Floyd Mayweather Jnr - Let see which side Justin Beaver will choose
←Rate | 08-30-2014 01:40 Comments (0)

X Dating site for overweight people: All you can meet.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 22:15 Comments (0)

X says McDonald's is changing their slogan form "We made it yesterday" to "Old, Cold, and Sold to you".
←Rate | 08-29-2014 20:02 Comments (0)

X GOOD NEWS EVERYONE,,, Comedy Central has just secured the rights to show all of the NY JETS regular season.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 19:14 by snotty Comments (0)

X I may be married to the sea, but I'm seeing 2 of the Great Lakes on the side,,, Yeah,, it's Erie how Superior they are.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 18:17 by snotty Comments (0)

X I bet Hell has the same toilet paper as airports.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 17:24 Comments (0)

X Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life
←Rate | 08-29-2014 16:34 by RJB224 Comments (0)

X says Wedding cake…One last reminder of what it was like to shove something in her mouth.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 16:08 by Nipper Comments (0)

X says I'm in it for the long run, as long as running isn't involved.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 15:11 Comments (0)

X says Michael Jackson could do a very realistic Thriller video right now.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 15:11 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Relationship Status: After carefully weighing the options. Willing to give loneliness a try.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 15:09 Comments (0)

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