Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My friend asked me if I'd ever be ready to go to a nudist colony. "Mate... I was born ready".
←Rate | 07-13-2016 12:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone know what happens when you mix up your recipes with your receipts? No? Well I'm not going into too much detail but I just ate my f@ck!ng work boots. . .
←Rate | 07-13-2016 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon .... Bernie endorsed Hillary! #FeelTheTurn
←Rate | 07-13-2016 11:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Problem with voting for Trump is that you don't know what you're going to get. Problem with Hillary is that you do.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 10:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When Attorney General Loretta Lynch was testifying in court about her secret meeting with Hillary's husband, I was struck by the irony of the fact that she was appointed Attorney General to arrest people like Loretta Lynch.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pokemon Lives Matter
←Rate | 07-13-2016 10:37 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought that Pokemon Go was a facebook app that encourages Jamaicans to use the Poke feature.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 10:33 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coworker: I have an announcement to make. We are expecting twins. Me: Congrats on having 2 kids with the same father!
←Rate | 07-13-2016 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pokemon Go - Showing how easy it is to get sheep to follow.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 10:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kat Denning's b00bs are the life preservers which save 2 Broke Girls.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 09:29 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you had a long 14hr night at work, when driving home you have to swerve to miss a tree,. Then realize it's an air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 09:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary sucks
←Rate | 07-13-2016 08:24 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Lazy rule #1: Can't reach it. Don't need it.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got up to go to the bathroom and realised I left my work ID swipe card in my jacket. Found the jacket, checked the pockets. Found it. Then realised I didn't need my swipe ID to use the bathroom AT MY HOUSE....😑
←Rate | 07-13-2016 06:21 by Bo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.
←Rate | 07-12-2016 23:14 by Trump Comments (0)  

   messageicon Should eat more fruit flavored things like blue raspberry slush. I've never even see a blue raspberry because they are very rare.
←Rate | 07-12-2016 23:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The weather today was good enough for me to feel ashamed about my body.
←Rate | 07-12-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here's to Obama's trip to Dallas. May it go as well as JFK's
←Rate | 07-12-2016 23:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Haven't played Pokemon Go so I couldn't be part of any conversations at work today.
←Rate | 07-12-2016 22:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon More women coming forward with harassment allegations against Roger Ailes claim "fair and balanced" is also how he describes his testicles.
←Rate | 07-12-2016 22:28 Comments (0)  

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