Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says Not to brag, but I'm pretty amazing at smacking asses
X So when do we start calling this the Second Great Depression?
X Looking for Ivan Drago at the closing ceremony.
X BREAKING: Jimmie Johnson just won the 2013 Daytona 500....
X says He thinks taking a selfie is going to the bathroom.
X What is worse than lobsters on your tennis court? Crabs on your balls!
X says KISS announced that they will not be performing at this year's Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. Oh well. Hopefully we'll get a killer performance from the other inductee Nirvana.
X The worst thing in life is smiling at someone who doesn't even worth a kick in the crotch.
X says Bought a blowup doll today but I won't blow her up til tomorrow. Don't want to seem desperate.
X Laser tag is for pussies... "Taser tag", now thats a manly kinda sport.
X says Took a smoke break...... Came back inside to watch the Daytona 500.... All of the cars changed paint scheme..... Wait, what? Huh?..... Have I drank that much????? Rain delay dumbass....last years race..... Slowly walks back outside for another smoke
X Like most Northerners, as the weather warms,,, I worry about the structural integrity of my igloo.
X Shout out to my parents... BECAUSE SHOUTING IS THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN HEAR ME.
X says Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
X Hmmm,, How about slippers made out of Legos,, So that when you step on a Lego,, you just get taller.
X That kid looks ALOT like me.... Somebody should warn him.
X says Damn dog follows me into the bathroom all the time, so I told her it freaks me out. She then turned around and walked out. Now I am a bit freaked out that she understands sentences.
X says You shouldn't be buying lobster when you're on a tuna fish budget.
X says How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should already be open when she brings it.
X says Obama to continue going it alone. Thats good, because I dont think anyone is following him anymore...