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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X "My eyes are up here." - *gift horses
←Rate | 10-04-2014 11:05 by snotty Comments (0)

X FYI: It takes a man a week to walk a fortnight,
←Rate | 10-04-2014 09:09 by snotty Comments (0)

X says You can lose weight but unfortunately you can't lose ugly.
←Rate | 10-04-2014 07:51 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
←Rate | 10-03-2014 21:40 by flipphonescott Comments (0)

X it me or this presidency has experienced more Virus out break since AIDS? Remember the Swine Flu, bird Flu, Housing Bubble Flu, Bank bail out Flu, and my favorite was when Congress Flew
←Rate | 10-03-2014 19:52 by Jitney Comments (0)

X says My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
←Rate | 10-03-2014 18:49 Comments (0)

X says I bought shoes from a drug dealer today. Don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day!
←Rate | 10-03-2014 18:41 by Glen Comments (0)

X says I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
←Rate | 10-03-2014 15:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says I have never been paid for sex, but holy mother of god, there were a few instances when I should have been.
←Rate | 10-03-2014 12:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says Don't worry about Ebola spreading in Dallas. The Cowboys have shown us that people in Dallas can't catch anything.
←Rate | 10-03-2014 10:37 by svaldez187 Comments (0)

X says Sorry I must have hit the unfollow button by mistake. BLOCKED - there fixed it
←Rate | 10-03-2014 09:38 Comments (0)

X I know it's rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you're unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
←Rate | 10-03-2014 09:24 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
←Rate | 10-03-2014 00:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says I thought Ariana Grande was a Starbucks drink.....
←Rate | 10-02-2014 22:56 Comments (0)

X Look on the bright side, the cowboys will be the first NFL team to get Ebola
←Rate | 10-02-2014 22:34 Comments (0)

X Upside to working out: Women actually acknowledge my existence. Downside: I have to learn how to react to women acknowledging my existence.
←Rate | 10-02-2014 21:57 Comments (0)

X says Good Lord...Pink For Cancer, Red For Cards, Orange for Halloween, and Now Blue for Bullying! October has More damn color in it than a strand of Christmas Lights!
←Rate | 10-02-2014 21:26 by p0lel0ck Comments (0)

X not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
←Rate | 10-02-2014 20:41 by snotty Comments (0)

X says If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn't be called nachos.
←Rate | 10-02-2014 17:24 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says I tried killing a spider by blowing weed smoke on it, now it's in my kitchen microwaving Pizza Rolls and drinking all my beer
←Rate | 10-02-2014 15:54 Comments (0)

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