Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 247 of 5704

   messageicon no need to scroll further, as it only get worse from here...
←Rate | 11-29-2016 17:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Water is Life"? Don't you remember the time it tried to drown you?
←Rate | 11-29-2016 16:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
←Rate | 11-29-2016 16:03 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 15:23 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is no security measure as ineffective as an apartment complex gate system.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 14:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your mamma hole is so hairy , it was a guest on Duck Dynasty
←Rate | 11-29-2016 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *rides off into the sunset...... *rides back to get SPF 50 sunblock....... *rides off into the sunset......
←Rate | 11-29-2016 13:26 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fact thst humanity has to clarify that any lives matter should be concern enough.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 12:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope that wherever my missing socks end up, they're happy. That's what really matters.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 12:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Santa: Please refer to my Pinterest board.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 12:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't just be part of the couch.... Be the couch.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 11:20 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time. Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."
←Rate | 11-29-2016 11:19 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have s-e-x, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."
←Rate | 11-29-2016 11:18 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just put up my three foot Christmas tree, needed my six foot ladder to put the star on
←Rate | 11-29-2016 09:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The mannequin challenge was invented when a democrat was offered a job...
←Rate | 11-29-2016 09:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Childhood is just the ‘free trial’ edition of life. When it ends, you have to pay for the full version or else you’ll lose everything.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Mannaquin Challenge isn't new. Some of you have been standing around doing nothing your whole lives.....
←Rate | 11-29-2016 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.
←Rate | 11-28-2016 21:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm more like Elvis than most Elvis impersonators. I look nothing like him. I dress nothing like him. I sing nothing like him. It's just that women throw their underwear at me. I live in a dryer.
←Rate | 11-28-2016 21:15 by Mc The Quick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should do a side project together and call it Goo Goo Gaga.
←Rate | 11-28-2016 14:06 Comments (0)  

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