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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Divorce changes you... For instance, it makes you single......... * Inspirational post
←Rate | 03-07-2014 15:33 by snotty Comments (0)

X A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he'd couldn't whine on FB.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 15:29 by snotty Comments (1)

X says a free button called Block/Unfriend and Delete.... trust me those things can work miracles when it comes to dealing with drama on Fb
←Rate | 03-07-2014 14:16 Comments (0)

X says The only time I've ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 14:02 Comments (0)

X says If they've seen you dance in public and still hangout with you then consider them good friends.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 14:01 Comments (0)

X says There's something about the way you could ruin my entire life that makes me want you. - WOMEN
←Rate | 03-07-2014 14:00 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says What? No toilet paper. Well, goodbye socks.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 13:14 Comments (0)

X says I think you know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 11:42 Comments (0)

X says Failure is not an option. It's standard equipment.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 11:36 Comments (0)

X 10 yr old suspended from school for pointing finger like a gun. Where will this end? If fingers are outlawed, only 10 yr olds will have fingers.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 11:03 by markf Comments (0)

X My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today
←Rate | 03-07-2014 11:02 by snotty Comments (0)

X Just broke up a fight between my wife and a car seat.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 11:01 by snotty Comments (0)

X Hey Social media newbies, remember if you try really hard and excel at this, in a couple years, you too can turn it into a source of no income.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 10:59 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it's the stupid people who need it?
←Rate | 03-07-2014 09:36 Comments (0)

X Bacon n Eggs walk into a bar, bartender says, Sorry, we dont serve breakfast here...
←Rate | 03-07-2014 07:41 Comments (0)

X DunkinHackin (v):The act of choking on the powdery goodness of a powdered Dunkin Donut
←Rate | 03-07-2014 06:36 by doodlebug Comments (0)

X says A word to the wise. A paragraph to the smart. A long-form essay to the oblivious. A silent, meaningful gesture to the enlightened.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X Received a call from a recruitment consultant. She said to me: “Sir I have two openings for you…!” I replied : Yes. I know .There was a long silence and then she hung up.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 01:13 by The.Joke.Cafe Comments (2)

X says Kanye West they should have vacuum sealed you, you would have lasted longer
←Rate | 03-07-2014 00:11 by Roman Valentino Torrez Comments (0)

X says If the condom don't fit you must acquit - Darren Sharpers Defense
←Rate | 03-06-2014 23:10 by Roman Valentino Torrez Comments (0)

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