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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says I thought of going Amish once....I didn't have the WHEEL POWER to do it
←Rate | 11-07-2014 02:48 by Eddy Comments (0)

X says No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 02:02 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says If I've offended you, you need more help than I do.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 01:05 Comments (0)

X says I'm amazed at how some people have survived this far in life
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:58 Comments (0)

X says People with multiple personalities scare me. Speak for yourself b*tch. That's right, you heard him.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:47 by Psycho Comments (0)

X says My lady garden could really use a nice face plant.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:46 by KAREN Comments (0)

X says I don't know what everyone's complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents' basement.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:34 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:33 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Majority of Religious people have given religion a bad name.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:31 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:29 by Psycho Comments (0)

X says Nice try whatsapp but I still don't feel bad about ignoring people's messages.
←Rate | 11-06-2014 22:07 Comments (0)

X says The condoms need to be located in the fu*king baby aisle Next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
←Rate | 11-06-2014 21:39 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says If video games have taught me anything, it's that if you encounter enemies then you're going the right way.
←Rate | 11-06-2014 21:34 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic People expect you to Quit Drinking.
←Rate | 11-06-2014 20:34 by Clown Ninja Comments (0)

X Buy a "World's Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.
←Rate | 11-06-2014 19:50 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Play Closing Time at my funeral because it's likely I died trying to change the radio station when it came on.
←Rate | 11-06-2014 19:43 by Aaron Comments (0)

X You're saying, “Capital punishment shouldn't even be a debate. You deserve to be put to death if you take a life." You mean, you’ve never been wrongfully accused of doing something or the justice system is an angel.
←Rate | 11-06-2014 18:56 Comments (0)

X says One thing parenting has taught me- telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows
←Rate | 11-06-2014 17:00 by SEAN Comments (0)

X says If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you won't have anything to smile and talk about when you're old
←Rate | 11-06-2014 16:58 by SEAN Comments (0)

X I've got my injury from the Vietnam war, it was from a hunting accident while hiding in Canada
←Rate | 11-06-2014 16:24 Comments (0)

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