Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My least favorite animal is the one that’s attacking me.
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can you get financial aid for dating?
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My credit score has a McDonald's application stapled to it.
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dogs act pretty tough for someone who's afraid of cotton balls.
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? Well....when they stopped putting Skittles in the break room vending machine.
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Major League Baseball games will soon be aired on Twitter. Tampa Bay Rays games, however, will be relegated to MySpace.
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Question -- What night is the swimsuit competition at the DNC?
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The NFL has cleared Peyton Manning of doing steroids so he won't have to sit out the first 4 games of his retirement.
←Rate | 07-27-2016 03:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Monica Lewinsky was asked if this was Bill Clinton's best speech ever. She said, "Close but no cigar".
←Rate | 07-27-2016 00:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who swear a lot tend to be more honest, upfront, and loyal with their friends, partners and family. I find this fact offensive.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 20:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That one way trip to Mars isn't looking so bad these days....
←Rate | 07-26-2016 20:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when we willingly bought mustard color clothes?
←Rate | 07-26-2016 20:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Larry David is somewhere sheading a tear that he won't be playing Bernie Sanders for the next 4 years on SNL.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 20:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon May I have your attention please. May I have your attention. Will all Bernie supporters form a SINGLE FILE line and follow Chet Lemming to the safe place room. Please move QUIETLY
←Rate | 07-26-2016 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kevin Durant will still hear chants of MVP every night, they just won't be for him...
←Rate | 07-26-2016 18:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Michael Brown's Mother is set to speak at the DNC tonight. Now I wasn't going to watch anymore of this crap, but I don't think that I'll be able to look away from this inevitable train wreck.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 16:44 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon TV psychic Ms Cleo had died from cancer, probably never saw it coming.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 15:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Meditation helps me block out distractions and focus on what's important. I recommend it for anyone who wants to step up their napping game.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 14:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was your age my Dad got you lost, not Siri.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 14:31 Comments (0)  

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