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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says I'll think I'll bring my taser to work today to liven things up a bit.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:48 Comments (0)

X says I think I was born during the wrong time in history. I woulda been hot as a cavewoman.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:47 Comments (0)

X says Maybe Aliens have not visited us on earth yet because they're all females and they want us to make the first move.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:43 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says But sir, in your bio it is clearly mentioned that you are funny. How then?
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:40 Comments (0)

X says Hey look at me! Hey Stop staring at me weirdo! - women
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:27 Comments (0)

X says So apparently your girlfriend isn't supposed to have an Adams apple. Guess that's why she only wanted an@l.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:26 Comments (0)

X says No thanks, bodybuilder chicks with clits that look like a baby's pen*s
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:25 Comments (0)

X says ~ Creationisn: Because it's easier to read and believe one book than read several ones based on scientific fact.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 13:05 Comments (3)

X says I'm sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can't I do the same for Easter!!!??
←Rate | 03-26-2014 11:31 by lilcountrygirl75 Comments (0)

X Creationism vs. Darwinism: I love science, yet until they can settle the age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"....I'm siding with Creationism.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 10:41 by Nailed Shut Comments (2)

X says Change your wifi password to blowmefirst, then wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 10:25 by ImSoFunny Comments (0)

X says Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should haved died in 1732.
←Rate | 03-26-2014 05:40 by Huck Comments (0)

X says I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor
←Rate | 03-26-2014 05:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X "I'd like to apologize now for not liking your posts that I" stole as an update or ..
←Rate | 03-26-2014 00:06 Comments (0)

X says If it's fat, drunk, and slow, it must be Chicago
←Rate | 03-25-2014 23:38 by cpaman Comments (0)

X says It's hard to be your prince charming when you'd rather just fool around with all 12 of the dwarves.
←Rate | 03-25-2014 22:29 by BEGO Comments (0)

X says BREAKING NEWS: Vladimir Putin moves two Boy Scout Troops to the Russian/Polish boarder. France surrendered
←Rate | 03-25-2014 22:13 by BigSarge Comments (0)

X says I got the moves like Jagger, and the medical bills to prove it.
←Rate | 03-25-2014 21:25 by nony Comments (0)

X Being married means you never hav--- WOULD YOU QUIT CHEWING SO GODDAMN LOUD?
←Rate | 03-25-2014 20:55 by snotty Comments (0)

X says I wonder if Ralph Wilson's funeral will be blacked out?
←Rate | 03-25-2014 17:31 by DonnysWorld Comments (0)

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