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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X There once was a man from Nantucket, whose name was Dave. Real nice guy. Gave me some great directions on how to get to Applebee's.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 18:46 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Got a new video card to play Minecraft still doesn't look any different...
←Rate | 03-31-2014 16:51 by TB Comments (0)

X says Come on snooze button, is 5 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 16:20 Comments (0)

X says Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she's still there.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 15:02 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says 8 out of 10 men don't understand women, the other 2 want to be them.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 14:45 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says You have 3 options: (1) Kiss me. (2) I kiss you. (3) Chloroform.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 14:45 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 14:42 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Once I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?". I almost drowned that day.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 14:41 Comments (0)

X says The movie “Noah” comes out this weekend. It follows the story of a family trying to survive God's wrath on a giant boat for months. Or as that's more commonly known, a Carnival Cruise.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 13:04 by Jimmy F Comments (0)

X says Anyone up for making some "debris", throwing it into the Gulf of Mexico after midnight, and saying that we found the missing plane? #AprilFoolsJoke
←Rate | 03-31-2014 12:02 by sully Comments (0)

X says Dog catcher called. He said my dog was chasing someone on a bike. Can't be my dog. He doesn't have a bike.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 11:54 by TBC Comments (0)

X Can't we just agree that disagreeing is what we agree on?
←Rate | 03-31-2014 11:13 by snotty Comments (0)

X I thought I would try out that glow in the dark trunk latch release in my car. So, is anyone available to come by my place and let me out of my trunk?
←Rate | 03-31-2014 11:01 Comments (0)

X says Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,... why don't you ever smile in my pictures?
←Rate | 03-31-2014 10:01 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Tell me about your day honey - Newlyweds
←Rate | 03-31-2014 09:56 Comments (0)

X says Jogging, or as I like to call it running from my problems.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 09:55 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Don't forget to provide love and support to someone that has absolutely no interest in you today.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 09:52 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says When I told you you were good I actually meant for nothing.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 09:46 Comments (0)

X says My 3 year old son just told me he was still tired after his 2 hour nap. No DNA test needed here Maury.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 09:44 Comments (0)

X says My morning prayer: Coffee, please gimme the strength I need to do stuff and put up with sh*t"
←Rate | 03-31-2014 09:43 by Baddie Comments (0)

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