Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X Has anyone ever encountered a semi-stranger barefaced freeloader in their life?
X says I thought Sochi was uncooked fish?
X says go to translate.google.com - type "........" change language to Japanese, click listen... Enjoy!
X says Those little Girl Scout devils got me again. It never fails...
X I've completely replaced sex with food. I had a mirror installed over my dining room table.
X Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
X says it's about time the majority of those people who opposed Marijuana have finally died. . .
X Jimmy Fallon's monologues are weaker than a mixed drink at a strip club.
X says Body language can be so subtle that only an intuitive person can read your mood. Body slams, I have found, are far more direct.
X Patiently waiting for the Pro zac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!!!
X says Calling Justin Bieber gay is an insult to Freddie Mercury.
X says Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
X says How much does Morgan Freeman charge to narrate a sex tape?
X says Yes I am that one ex she doesn't want the world to know she ever dated.
X says If you don't like what I am playing.. I can play mmm Bop !
X says Everyday I'm shoveling. - Winter 2014
X says If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
X I am convinced that Kellogg's works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
X says If your boyfriend can't bench press you then you have a girlfriend.
X says When I get home the first thing I'm going to do is rip my wife's panties off. Because they're too small and the elastic is killing me.