Funny Status Messages | Status Message Generator | Recent Comments | Chuck Norris Sayings

Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
Oldest | Recent | Rating
Filter On | Filter Off
Search Messages:
Page: 247 of 4809

X says So if a cow dies of old age after a long and happy life, vegetarians are allowed to eat it, right?
←Rate | 05-04-2014 06:39 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says How to tell if your wife/girlfriend will overreact: Is she a girl?
←Rate | 05-04-2014 06:38 Comments (0)

X says Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
←Rate | 05-04-2014 06:38 Comments (0)

X says Wife: Silent Me: What's wrong? Wife: Nothing Me: Grabs shield and sword
←Rate | 05-04-2014 06:37 Comments (0)

X says A group of contradictions is called a “Bible.”
←Rate | 05-04-2014 06:35 Comments (1)

X If your face doesn't look like a glazed donut ..your doing it wrong.
←Rate | 05-04-2014 03:47 Comments (0)

X says Keyboard worshippers are at it again this sunday morning.
←Rate | 05-04-2014 02:06 Comments (0)

X I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn't right all the time.
←Rate | 05-03-2014 16:32 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)

X what do you call a nun with alzheimers?? a roamin catholic.
←Rate | 05-03-2014 15:23 Comments (0)

X "Dog food lid" spelled backwards is "dildo of God"
←Rate | 05-03-2014 15:02 by Uncle Bubba Comments (0)

X says Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
←Rate | 05-03-2014 14:56 by flipphonescott Comments (0)

X If the Lord is always with me, that dude's sat through a lot of jacking off.
←Rate | 05-03-2014 14:51 Comments (0)

X For the first time in NBA finals history, there was 3 game 7s. Even more fascinating is that Donald Sterling cant attend any of them!
←Rate | 05-03-2014 14:50 by Jtney Comments (0)

X says I don't have a horse running in the Derby but my money is on Sarah Jessica Parker.
←Rate | 05-03-2014 14:08 Comments (0)

X says I must not be real stupid, television has not made me famous yet!
←Rate | 05-03-2014 13:45 by flipphonescott Comments (0)

X Please spare a thought for the man who told his wife he was going on a business trip to China on that Malaysian Airlines Flight No MH. 370, and now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment. (Ever)
←Rate | 05-03-2014 12:01 Comments (0)

X says My drivers license is just a piece of paper that says I'm not Asian
←Rate | 05-03-2014 11:24 Comments (0)

X says Sex so good, you call off the restraining order.
←Rate | 05-03-2014 11:23 Comments (0)

X says Rodney King said, "Can we all get along? The answer is no because too many people make a very good living making sure we don't....right, Reverend Al?
←Rate | 05-03-2014 09:38 Comments (1)

X says Sometimes when I see an airplane passing over I just wish I were on it and didn't care where it was going.
←Rate | 05-03-2014 08:35 Comments (0)

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left