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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says 60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don't give a sh*t about it..
←Rate | 03-29-2014 15:36 Comments (0)

X says If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some single women have more than one baby daddy?
←Rate | 03-29-2014 15:35 Comments (0)

X says Your hair smells like it wants pulling.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 15:05 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says It's ok to admit when you're wrong. Just don't tell anyone.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 14:37 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says Hell hath no fury like a woman misunderstood.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 14:21 Comments (0)

X says Party like your intervention is tomorrow.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 14:01 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says first day of spring break and I have f all to do
←Rate | 03-29-2014 13:47 Comments (0)

X says why does the drive-thru ATM have braille?....what blind person is driving a car?
←Rate | 03-29-2014 13:32 by Eddy Comments (0)

X I searched Google, Bing and Yahoo on the word Impotence and nothing came up?
←Rate | 03-29-2014 13:22 by Kelso Comments (0)

X I saw an ad on a dating site called: Friends With Benefits. So I made a date, and it went well...right up to when I said, "Ok, I'll be your friend, now where's my health plan?" She got PO'd. Why? What's so bad about that?
←Rate | 03-29-2014 13:09 by Nailed Shut Comments (0)

X says I don’t know a lot, but I know Facebook is as helpful as a football bat.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 12:50 by Scot Comments (0)

X I thought lubing my arse with vegetable oil would make my poop come out faster, but I just slipped off the toilet and shat on the floor.. :(
←Rate | 03-29-2014 11:57 by snotty Comments (0)

X says I named my dìck truth, because bìtchès can't handle it.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 11:29 by ImSoFunny Comments (0)

X says You can't be ugly and play hard to get... You're already hard to want.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 11:14 by ImSoFunny Comments (0)

X says Racism makes as much sense as saying I don't want that gift because of the color of the wrapping paper.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 10:49 by Scot Comments (0)

X Hey McDonald's, here's an add to fire back at Taco Bell: Eat at McDonald's, you won't sh.. your pants. -your welcome.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 10:24 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)

X Bumped and grinded last head on bed post and my teeth
←Rate | 03-29-2014 09:53 by Bob B Comments (0)

X A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 09:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)

X says Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
←Rate | 03-29-2014 08:03 Comments (0)

X says Facebook got 2 billion to burn even though the site is 90% candy crush requests & fake news that tricked your grandma.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 03:42 by Udit Comments (0)

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