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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Cmon kid, do or say something funny already. Daddy needs a new Facebook Status Update.
←Rate | 04-16-2014 00:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says Sorry I ruined your life. I thought you were flirting with me.
←Rate | 04-16-2014 00:57 Comments (0)

X says If God wanted more people to attend church why doesn't he lower the price of gas?
←Rate | 04-16-2014 00:56 Comments (0)

X says Have you tried checking her purse for your balls?
←Rate | 04-16-2014 00:54 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Sorry I didn't hear a word you said. I was pretending your nose was the MUTE button
←Rate | 04-16-2014 00:54 Comments (0)

X says Coffee will never tell me I had too much to drink last night, unlike some people in this house
←Rate | 04-16-2014 00:53 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says “I can't wait to drunk text this girl who doesn't give a sh*t about me.” - ALCOHOL
←Rate | 04-16-2014 00:53 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says Congratulations to CNN for having the longest running TV show in TV history: Malaysia Flight 370
←Rate | 04-15-2014 22:48 Comments (0)

X .... There are two things in life that are certain ... and I took care of one of them today .... I'm really hoping the other one will hold off for quite a while!!!
←Rate | 04-15-2014 22:01 Comments (0)

X .... There are only two things that are certain in life .... and I took care of one of them today .... let's hope the other one holds off for a while ....
←Rate | 04-15-2014 20:09 Comments (0)

X says It's been a year since the Boston bombing. It makes me very sad that one of the bombers is still alive.
←Rate | 04-15-2014 18:34 Comments (0)

X says why is it when there are 2 girls in a profile picture it always belongs to the uglier of the two?
←Rate | 04-15-2014 15:56 Comments (0)

X says OK, How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
←Rate | 04-15-2014 15:53 Comments (0)

X says “Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.”
←Rate | 04-15-2014 15:52 Comments (0)

X says My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
←Rate | 04-15-2014 15:46 Comments (0)

X says It's okay to hate happy people.
←Rate | 04-15-2014 15:20 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Good looks are a bonus, humour is a must.
←Rate | 04-15-2014 14:15 Comments (0)

X says All you need to find true love is a gun, some rope and duct tape.
←Rate | 04-15-2014 13:21 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says How to conquer a woman and lose her in 3 look beautiful! You don´t look like you at all!
←Rate | 04-15-2014 13:19 by Retcel Comments (0)

X says Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.
←Rate | 04-15-2014 12:52 by Czovczov Comments (0)

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