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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Not to brag, but I'm pretty amazing at smacking asses
←Rate | 02-23-2014 23:30 Comments (0)

X So when do we start calling this the Second Great Depression?
←Rate | 02-23-2014 22:04 Comments (1)

X Looking for Ivan Drago at the closing ceremony.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 20:51 Comments (0)

X BREAKING: Jimmie Johnson just won the 2013 Daytona 500....
←Rate | 02-23-2014 19:30 by sully Comments (0)

X says He thinks taking a selfie is going to the bathroom.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 18:51 Comments (0)

X What is worse than lobsters on your tennis court? Crabs on your balls!
←Rate | 02-23-2014 18:40 by Uncle Bubba Comments (0)

X says KISS announced that they will not be performing at this year's Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. Oh well. Hopefully we'll get a killer performance from the other inductee Nirvana.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 18:00 by Lewis S. Comments (0)

X The worst thing in life is smiling at someone who doesn't even worth a kick in the crotch.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 16:21 Comments (0)

X says Bought a blowup doll today but I won't blow her up til tomorrow. Don't want to seem desperate.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:43 by YomamaBeenFunny Comments (0)

X Laser tag is for pussies... "Taser tag", now thats a manly kinda sport.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:40 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Took a smoke break...... Came back inside to watch the Daytona 500.... All of the cars changed paint scheme..... Wait, what? Huh?..... Have I drank that much????? Rain delay dumbass....last years race..... Slowly walks back outside for another smoke
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:38 Comments (0)

X Like most Northerners, as the weather warms,,, I worry about the structural integrity of my igloo.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:37 by snotty Comments (0)

←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:35 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:35 by ImSoFunny Comments (0)

X Hmmm,, How about slippers made out of Legos,, So that when you step on a Lego,, you just get taller.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:34 by snotty Comments (0)

X That kid looks ALOT like me.... Somebody should warn him.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:32 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Damn dog follows me into the bathroom all the time, so I told her it freaks me out. She then turned around and walked out. Now I am a bit freaked out that she understands sentences.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:28 Comments (0)

X says You shouldn't be buying lobster when you're on a tuna fish budget. 
←Rate | 02-23-2014 15:05 by svaldez187 Comments (0)

X says How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should already be open when she brings it.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 14:21 Comments (0)

X says Obama to continue going it alone. Thats good, because I dont think anyone is following him anymore...
←Rate | 02-23-2014 14:19 Comments (0)

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