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   messageicon When a woman says "He used me for sex". It really means 'I only had sex with him to get something else out of him, but it failed'
←Rate | 12-16-2014 15:39 Comments (3)

   messageicon If your car has reindeer antlers and a red nose then I should be allowed to shoot you
←Rate | 12-16-2014 12:26 by @ohmydriggers Comments (0)

   messageicon Sorry I accidentally turned off all the lights and played dead when you knocked on the door.
←Rate | 12-16-2014 10:41 by Baddie Comments (0)

   messageicon The only time I put my phone down is when it rings....
←Rate | 12-16-2014 10:30 by scottyp Comments (0)

   messageicon You're 42, divorced with 3 kids and you smoke? Good luck with that...
←Rate | 12-16-2014 09:19 Comments (1)

   messageicon Everyone thinks they're incapable of committing murder until they see uncleared time on the microwave.
←Rate | 12-16-2014 09:16 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

   messageicon My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
←Rate | 12-16-2014 07:30 Comments (0)

   messageicon Let's lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
←Rate | 12-16-2014 07:23 Comments (0)

   messageicon I'm just doing what the beer tells me to.
←Rate | 12-16-2014 07:22 Comments (0)

   messageicon I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
←Rate | 12-16-2014 06:45 by Doc Noland Comments (0)

   messageicon The Mayans are predicting this year for Dec.21 chilly air will settle into the region, ahead of a storm system forecast to move up from the South.
←Rate | 12-16-2014 06:13 by Depirts1 Comments (0)

   messageicon somedays I could do without the life lesson!
←Rate | 12-15-2014 22:24 by flipphonescott Comments (0)

   messageicon I don't know if they give awards for commercials, but that ad with Kate Upton riding a horse should win all of them.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 20:39 by Goldie Comments (0)

   messageicon For every time a woman replies "fine" to you, you lose a day off your life.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 20:34 by Doc Noland Comments (0)

   messageicon "Half time" is that point in time when you are too full to eat a whole slice of pizza but you have plenty of room if you cut that piece into two pieces and eat them separately.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 19:58 by M Comments (0)

   messageicon In The News: Supreme leader Comrade Kim Jong-un,. Reprimands: Jang Song Thaek, vice chairman of North Korea's highest decision-making body... "When I said to Nuke the Chinese, I meant for you to put the Kung Pao Chicken in the microwave".
←Rate | 12-15-2014 19:07 by srpdrzman Comments (0)

   messageicon I really don't want to interact with other human beings today if I can help it...
←Rate | 12-15-2014 15:18 by eengrms Comments (0)

   messageicon As soon as a girl starts to like you, she and her friends have got you on 24 hour surveillance.. They're doing shifts
←Rate | 12-15-2014 12:25 Comments (0)

   messageicon And you say the CIA should treat the terrorists with kid's gloves.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 10:01 Comments (0)

   messageicon The suicide vest bombing instructor at the Al Qaeda School of Martyrdom advised his students too "pay close attention because I'm only going to show you this once".
←Rate | 12-15-2014 09:15 by srpdrzman Comments (0)

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