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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says My secret special ingredient herb for my stuffing is, Marijuana. . .
←Rate | 11-28-2013 06:35 Comments (0)

X says Took my girlfriend window shopping. She’s just looking at a bunch of shoes we haven’t even bought a window yet :(
←Rate | 11-28-2013 06:35 Comments (0)

X says Even if I had an antidote for fixing stupid people I won't cure them, why should I kill the entertainment of my life.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 06:33 Comments (0)

X says When in doubt, take a nap.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 06:32 Comments (0)

X says The longer your day is..... the longer the orgasm should be.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 06:31 Comments (0)

X says I want to see a volcano erupt because I have an interest in geology. I want to see one erupt under your house because you're an a$$hole
←Rate | 11-28-2013 06:30 Comments (0)

X says I am black and I still think Kanye West is the biggest Douche of the Century!
←Rate | 11-28-2013 05:39 Comments (0)

X says If knowing is half the battle, maybe its time to admit that you are losing the war.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:16 by Huck Comments (0)

X says Protip: If your turkey tastes like bird flavored jello, it is undercooked.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:15 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says I wear my heart on my sleeve and my lunch on the entire front part.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:11 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says "If you've been hurt in a car wreck you need someone who will fight to get you the money you deserve. I will pee on your bed." - cat lawyer
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news' annual turkey fryer accident story?
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:03 by Huck Comments (0)

X says I just called. To say. I texted you.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says Cringing in regret is my cardio
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:57 by Huck Comments (0)

X says Just saw a store that already has Easter decorations out
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says BREAKING: PETA releases shock video of tiger, caught by toe, being detained despite hollering.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 01:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)

X says Sometimes I feel like cashier's find a certain joy in letting things run down the conveyer belt and then stopping it right after I decide to stop it 007 style with the person in front of me.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 00:34 Comments (0)

X We cover every dish we take to Grandma's house with aluminum foil. That way the Aliens wont be able to know what we're eating this time.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 00:29 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)

X says I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 00:23 Comments (0)

X says Obama want you to talk about Obamacare over the Thanksgiving table to get more to register......that program is still hanging on by a wing and a prair!
←Rate | 11-28-2013 00:19 by Spam Comments (0)

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