Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon We really looked like idiots for 8 years. Commander in Chief running around in fukcing MOM PANTS.
←Rate | 03-20-2017 22:26 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Well, another year with no finacial aid. That's what you get when you're white, parents are still married and they both work for a living.....
←Rate | 03-20-2017 18:47 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I work very hard at my job but if the opportunity arises to become a rich housewife, I'm taking it.
←Rate | 03-20-2017 18:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon North Korea and China are pretty much going to do what they want, because Asian culture does not respect Russian puppets.
←Rate | 03-20-2017 17:53 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I may be delusional but at least I'm going to Mars in November.
←Rate | 03-20-2017 16:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got up at 6:30am today. Did some yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything.
←Rate | 03-20-2017 16:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist doesn't believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
←Rate | 03-20-2017 16:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you change the channel on your microwave? There’s a bunch of smoke poring out of this one. Guess it’s stuck on CNN.
←Rate | 03-20-2017 05:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only snowflake that I'm proud about are the ones I turn yellow.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 20:13 Comments (15)  

   messageicon To be fair, Trump thinks Meals on Wheels is a taco truck and he hates Mexicans.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:42 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Instead of condom, I like to call it a child-proof cap.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Steve Bannon spent St. Patrick's Day the way he spends every other day, drinking us all into oblivion.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, the argument is that Trump said "wire tap" because he couldn't spell "surveillance"?
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, when does Jill Stein announce her Kickstarter campaign to fund Meals on Wheels?
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If those terrible doctors hadn't given Trump those five deferments, we would have won Vietnam, bigly.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING: Trump cancels annual Easter Egg Roll, claims he "doesn't care for Chinese food".
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Future Jobs For Kellyanne Conway: Curator of the Bowling Green Massacre Memorial Museum.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Secret Service laptop with highly sensitive information on it has been stolen, Kellyanne Conway blames her microwave.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Reagan had ketchup in school lunches declared a vegetable, so maybe Congress can have Trump declared a vegetable.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Watching Trump meet with various world leaders is like witnessing someone go on a bunch of really bad first dates.
←Rate | 03-19-2017 16:22 Comments (0)  

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