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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds".
←Rate | 12-03-2013 09:38 by EF Comments (0)

X says Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I've been today that's had "insufficient funds".
←Rate | 12-03-2013 09:37 by EF Comments (0)

X says The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
←Rate | 12-03-2013 08:29 by JEBI Comments (0)

X says I can't believe they let people own guns. Public toilets are all the proof we need that humans have horrible aim
←Rate | 12-03-2013 07:49 by YODA Comments (0)

X says I'm disgusted when I see an old man with a younger woman. Or a younger man with a younger woman. Just couples. Or groups. Any person really.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 07:01 Comments (0)

X says The "thank you wave" you receive after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the only thing holding this fragile society together
←Rate | 12-03-2013 06:10 by EF Comments (0)

X says When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the "math" part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 05:44 by Huck Comments (0)

X says People on Facebook do realize that dead people can't read their RIP shout outs, right?
←Rate | 12-03-2013 05:10 Comments (0)

X says What you see is what you get with me. Unless you see my snacks.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 05:09 Comments (0)

X says Every pair of panties can be a thong if your ass is hungry enough.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 05:07 by Karen Comments (0)

X says My Saturday was going pretty well until I realised it was Monday.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 05:07 Comments (0)

X says People that like to put their two cents in, make sure you have enough to spare first!
←Rate | 12-03-2013 04:59 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X it is such a big shame how some Americans derive joy out of others pain, RIP Paul walker and may your family have the strength to move on
←Rate | 12-03-2013 03:51 Comments (0)

X says Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
←Rate | 12-03-2013 00:00 Comments (0)

X The "mayday" button on the new Kindle Fire should be renamed the "let me show you my weiner" button,,, 'cause that's all it's gonna be used for.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 22:06 by snotty Comments (0)

X At least once a year, we should all be allowed to go to Microsoft headquarters and reboot all of their PCs without giving them notice.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 22:00 by snotty Comments (0)

X says I just hid my teenage son's Christmas gifts behind the vacuum, in the dishwasher and next to the trash can that needs to be taken out.....guaranteed he will never find them!
←Rate | 12-02-2013 21:44 by EF Comments (0)

X I tried to bring sexy back,,, but they said it wasn't in it's "original" condition
←Rate | 12-02-2013 20:36 by snotty Comments (0)

X I would like to thank all the people who let me know it was snowing today, like I'm some clueless idiot.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 19:07 by K-Mac Comments (0)

X says apparently cyber monday takes on a COMPLETELY different meaning on some websites
←Rate | 12-02-2013 18:11 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)

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