Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says Sighing heavily all day long counts as cardio, right?
X says All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
X says reminding yourself you haven't got any kids is the best news ever...
X says If you make minimum wage and demand $15/hour, you are greatly overestimating your importance to an organization.
X Its Memorial Day Weekend and we have the media shoving Kanye & Kim’s wedding down out throats? The brave fallen solders of WWII fought so hard to defeat the Nazi’s so we can have the freedom to change the channel.
X the pope is in Israel with a sheikh and a rabbi. if they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!
X I paid $12.50 for movie tickets. Forget that the people are noisy, the popcorn and drinks are overpriced, and the movie itself stinks....I wanna know why there was no cartoon.
X says What do we want? A CURE FOR PARANOIA When do we want it? WHO WANTS TO KNOW
X says My wife thinks I've been on my phone checking the weather for the last 3500 hours
X says How long has it been since you were not fat? - a question you can not ask a job candidate, apparently
X says There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a pub.
X says Young lady, I'm old enough to be your dad's creepy high school friend with a pony tail who never married and works at the skating rink.
X says If you re-arrange the letters in "ugh" you get "hug". This is as good as it gets until the weed gets here people.
X says DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years
X says Don't forget to stay in your unfulfilling relationships today.
X says Just once, I'd like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
X says I wonder if the first man who said to a woman 'Just calm down' seriously expected that to happen.
X says How do I politely tell someone's too ugly for me to accept their FB friend request?
X "You know, I wish I'd never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
X says Arkansas is like a pretty bimbo who's a lousy lay. Nice to look at but not very stimulating.