Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.

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   messageicon And the award for Best Whitney Houston Impression goes to....... Bobbi Kristina
←Rate | 07-26-2015 22:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The information age, does anyone else find it just a little bit ironic that it has produced so many uninformed people.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 21:52 by Stormer59101 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Obama, He's over in Kenya lecturing them on Gay rights, but three days ago ISIS threw two men from a roof and then stoned them to death for being gay and he never said a word
←Rate | 07-26-2015 21:50 by Stormer59101 Comments (5)  

   messageicon Sadly,,, If your neighbor has wind chimes you have wind chimes
←Rate | 07-26-2015 20:08 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Putting sunscreen on the neighbors solar panel
←Rate | 07-26-2015 19:57 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon SUSAN: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective... We should split up.. . ME: Good idea,,, that way we can cover more ground
←Rate | 07-26-2015 19:55 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won't let me use their microwave.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 18:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 18:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In reality all girls are crazy so you better just pick your favorite type.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 17:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
←Rate | 07-26-2015 15:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Financial status: Hanging out in front of my favorite restaurant kissing anyone who has food around their mouth and in their teeth.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 14:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As others prepare for another exciting college school year. I prepare myself for another 40 hour work week.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 13:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saying "I'm offended" is basically telling the world you can't control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 12:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't remember how the saying goes, but I think it's Rum before Whiskey, before Vodka, = Heart Palpitations.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 11:10 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am not sure how I missed this, busy I guess, but Monica Lewinsky turned 42 earlier this week, it seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her knees.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 10:42 by Stormer59101 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The stock market continues to go up, and is probably a good place to invest your money if you have any. But as good as it sounds, if I ever get any extra I'm opting for canned goods and ammo......!
←Rate | 07-26-2015 10:16 by Stormer59101 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think that Americans should be less concerned about Donald Trump's hair, and more concerned with the screw that came loose underneath it.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 09:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Moving into the White house would be living in poverty for Trump...he'd be slumming it.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 09:19 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of all the game show hosts, Trump seems to be the last one you'd vote for. I like Drew Carey, Alex Trebek or Steve Harvey better
←Rate | 07-26-2015 09:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump for president!! Come on pple!
←Rate | 07-26-2015 03:17 Comments (0)  

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