Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X "My eyes are up here." - *gift horses
X FYI: It takes a man a week to walk a fortnight,
X says You can lose weight but unfortunately you can't lose ugly.
X says Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
X it me or this presidency has experienced more Virus out break since AIDS? Remember the Swine Flu, bird Flu, Housing Bubble Flu, Bank bail out Flu, and my favorite was when Congress Flew
X says My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
X says I bought shoes from a drug dealer today. Don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day!
X says I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
X says I have never been paid for sex, but holy mother of god, there were a few instances when I should have been.
X says Don't worry about Ebola spreading in Dallas. The Cowboys have shown us that people in Dallas can't catch anything.
X says Sorry I must have hit the unfollow button by mistake. BLOCKED - there fixed it
X I know it's rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you're unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
X says Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
X says I thought Ariana Grande was a Starbucks drink.....
X Look on the bright side, the cowboys will be the first NFL team to get Ebola
X Upside to working out: Women actually acknowledge my existence. Downside: I have to learn how to react to women acknowledging my existence.
X says Good Lord...Pink For Cancer, Red For Cards, Orange for Halloween, and Now Blue for Bullying! October has More damn color in it than a strand of Christmas Lights!
X not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
X says If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn't be called nachos.
X says I tried killing a spider by blowing weed smoke on it, now it's in my kitchen microwaving Pizza Rolls and drinking all my beer