Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won't be enough.
X says Of all the people I turn down for sex, I think my husband’s my favorite
X says When my ex left me I developed an Underground Railroad to sneak into her basement and watch Netflix
X says My 14 y/o daughters boyfriend struggled with a capri sun for the last 10 minutes. I think it's okay to leave her alone with him.
X says Some people update their Facebook status at the most inappropriate times, and this is the longest eulogy I've ever heard.
X says Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
X says whenever I think that I'm ready to date again, I always just go and get a new tattoo. because there's a lot less drama with the ink than there is with the pink.
X says I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban
X says “Your driving is freaking terrible,” I said to my wife. “Oh come on!” She said, “It’s not that bad.” I just shook my head as I took a deep breath, got out of the car and swam to the surface.
X says It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
X says I knew a girl high school who didn't have an oreo until she was 17. I think about this a lot
X Most friends these days are so fake ..I'm sure if we turned them around we would find "Made in China" stickers on their asses !!!!
X It's time to go to bed when you type the name of the website you are already looking at into your browser.
X says My notifications say i'm being followed by 23 people on here. I wonder how many are Police?
X says Real men sip that capri sun like its the last one left on earth
X says Hey squirrel, your tail looks gay
X Nintendo or Nintendon't,,,,, There is no nintendtry
X says Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you’re bound to get burned.
X says So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
X says I hate the Discovery Channel. I just wasted a bunch of money on 90 ton test fly line.