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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says Sighing heavily all day long counts as cardio, right?
←Rate | 05-25-2014 13:45 Comments (0)

X says All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 13:44 Comments (0)

X says reminding yourself you haven't got any kids is the best news ever...
←Rate | 05-25-2014 13:30 Comments (0)

X says If you make minimum wage and demand $15/hour, you are greatly overestimating your importance to an organization.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 13:16 Comments (1)

X Its Memorial Day Weekend and we have the media shoving Kanye & Kim’s wedding down out throats? The brave fallen solders of WWII fought so hard to defeat the Nazi’s so we can have the freedom to change the channel.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 12:59 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)

X the pope is in Israel with a sheikh and a rabbi. if they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!
←Rate | 05-25-2014 12:24 by jcw Comments (0)

X I paid $12.50 for movie tickets. Forget that the people are noisy, the popcorn and drinks are overpriced, and the movie itself stinks....I wanna know why there was no cartoon.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 11:27 by Mick Comments (0)

X says What do we want? A CURE FOR PARANOIA When do we want it? WHO WANTS TO KNOW
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:56 Comments (0)

X says My wife thinks I've been on my phone checking the weather for the last 3500 hours
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:52 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says How long has it been since you were not fat? - a question you can not ask a job candidate, apparently
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:37 Comments (0)

X says There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a pub.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:30 Comments (0)

X says Young lady, I'm old enough to be your dad's creepy high school friend with a pony tail who never married and works at the skating rink.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:28 Comments (0)

X says If you re-arrange the letters in "ugh" you get "hug". This is as good as it gets until the weed gets here people.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:25 Comments (0)

X says DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:24 Comments (0)

X says Don't forget to stay in your unfulfilling relationships today.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:23 Comments (0)

X says Just once, I'd like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:21 Comments (0)

X says I wonder if the first man who said to a woman 'Just calm down' seriously expected that to happen.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 10:17 Comments (0)

X says How do I politely tell someone's too ugly for me to accept their FB friend request?
←Rate | 05-25-2014 09:39 Comments (0)

X "You know, I wish I'd never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
←Rate | 05-25-2014 06:38 by Mick Comments (0)

X says Arkansas is like a pretty bimbo who's a lousy lay. Nice to look at but not very stimulating.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 06:35 by Dude Comments (0)

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