Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.

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   messageicon Well I guess this the recent news about Jared might put a whole new meaning to "six inch sub" instead of Footlong
←Rate | 07-07-2015 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was surprised by how poorly attended my high school reunion was until I rememberd the graduation day bear attack.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 14:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The current Facebook dilema: How long until I can remove my rainbow filter avi without looking like a homophobe?
←Rate | 07-07-2015 14:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At first I thought it said, "Kourtney Kardashian takes a dump on Scott Disick" which would make much more sense.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 14:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You keep writing inspirational messages on Facebook, bro. I'll be over here banging that chick you like.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 13:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My sex tape looks like Stephen Hawking trying to pull himself out of a bathtub.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 13:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't read the article but let me tell you what I think about the headline.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 13:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *Sitting around camp fire* And when your phone rang, you had no idea who it was *kids get up and run away screaming*
←Rate | 07-07-2015 12:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently Jared was also fond of the occasional 2 inch sub.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 12:32 by @MykelHawk Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Hi Kids! Wanna see how I lost all this weight playing hide the salami? And you might get to see my footlong!!! (which is actually 11")
←Rate | 07-07-2015 11:40 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know, it didn't say anywhere in my Subway contract that I couldn't order off the kid's menu."
←Rate | 07-07-2015 11:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Subway's new slogan should be "Eat fresh, but not TOO fresh."
←Rate | 07-07-2015 10:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Subway always charges more than 5 bucks for their foot longs, bout time the FEDs do something about that.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 10:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The police raid Jareds house where he confesses that he never liked Subway sandwiches in the first place.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 10:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If hJared Fogle goes to jail for this, he can expect a footlong of a different variety.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Only reason I’m here is to find a trustworthy babysitter.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 02:29 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when emojis were just called clip art and everyone thought they were stupid?
←Rate | 07-06-2015 23:16 by eengrms Comments (0)  

   messageicon When anyone asks me to describe myself I just say "tired".
←Rate | 07-06-2015 21:14 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
←Rate | 07-06-2015 19:59 by peter Comments (0)  

   messageicon That selfie of you perched upon the toilet intoxicated was truly charming. What finishing school did you attend, my delicate flower?
←Rate | 07-06-2015 19:59 by peter Comments (0)  

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