Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says Saw a X today I really liked back in the day. Dodged a Big Ole Bullet there.
X says My feelings for you haven't changed...after a year I still don't like you.
X says This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
X says That moment when you see your EX with that person they told you not to worry about during your relationship...
X The best part about being a plumber a friend told me is you can tell a snobby old rich lady that she needs a new ballcock with a straight face...
X says If you mix Jack Daniels with a Smirnoff, are you drinking a jack-off?
X Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant....
X says There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
X says The " I got your nose game" is to be played with children! Try it on your pharmacist or the cashier at Target and they will call security!
X says blunt so fat it swims with a shirt on
X says Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn't" you can rest assured that he did.
X says me:" cant come in to work today. I slipped in a snail trail and broke me ankle" boss:"on a nature hike?" me:"no walked in front of a theater playing 50 shades of gray"
X says I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists!
X says It’s amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
X says It’s sad when a girl breaks up and changes back to her “I need attention” Facebook picture.
X says I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, “At least they picked me”
X says I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
X says I'm working on my second million. I gave up on my first.
X * Throws caution to the wind.... Wind throws it back and tells me I throw like a girl.
X says Its about time judges start sentencing evil mosters to botched executions.