Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nobody understand what anyone else is going through. We could be standing beside someone who is broken and never know

   Life log: It has been 19 days since the playstation has gone down.Everything seems so real.

   Guys don't post stuff like ☆ BEAUTIFUL☆ FATHER☆ AWARD ☆ on eachouther's walls with the whole ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙ crap after it.  We show each other love by posting, "Dude, you're an ass!"  

   I'm glad won first place at the tournment. But somehow being know as "County Cornhole Champion" doesn't sound all that great.

   switched to an electric car but then my electric bill went up......

   headed to check my MYSPACE... (crickets chirping)

   if only super glue worked on ANYTHING as well as gluing it's own cap on........

   Thinks given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.

   The healthiest part of a donut is the hole. Unfortunately you have to eat through the rest of the donut to get there ..

   pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!

   If you ask me "Is it snowing OUTSIDE?" prepare to get a sarcastic response.

   I am a good listener, just ask my TV.

   BREAKING NEWS: LeBron James chooses DirecTV over Comcast and Dish Network.

   I am the luckiest person in the world. Everyday I get a mail from Yahoo & MSN that I have won a lottery...

   One hair on your head is not enough...but one hair in your food is too much.

   "Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you." "So is a grenade!"

   REALLY in the matrix......would I know though?

   “Hey. What do I do again?” -- Me greeting my boss every Monday morning.

   Sometimes I'd rather be home by myself then have to hang out with my friend's friends.

   hopes that the recent actions of Muhamed-Bob Flare Pants doesn't necessitate Homeland Security from implementing undergarment removal at airport security checkpoints