Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   *on hold for over an hour That guy playing the piano must be exhausted.

   I get it cicadas, I too come once every seven years

   My mom took a picture of me in 1983 using a camera with a flashcube and the light in my eyes just stopped flashing.

   I may have a big ego, but at least it's not, "use a sharpie to alter a National Weather Service Map because I couldn't handle speaking in error" big.

   Pfizer: raising the deads (viagra) and now saving the livings (vac)

   I find it suspicious that the un-vaccinated are now getting the worst of the virus. Just joking, I'm not that stupid to think it's suspicious.

   if sunflower oil is made of sunflowers and vegetable oil is made of vegetables, whats baby oil made of?

   If I gotta wait a half hour after eating before getting in the pool, let’s face it, I’m never getting in the pool.

   Why a billionaire is asking for help to pay his legal expenses? you can't be that stupid right?

   "The Greek Freak forgot the recipe to success. You run team to team chasing championships." Lebron James

   I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Cause lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !

   I miss the days before there was facebook when running into a friend you hadn't seen in while was like "Oh my God! what have you been up to?!" thats now like "Hey, I saw the casserole you posted last night, looked great"

   I miss the days before there was facebook when running into a friend you hadn't seen in while was like "Oh my God! what have you been up to?!" thats now like "Hey, I saw the casserole you posted last night, looked great"

   I'm trying to eat healthier. Do dinosaur chicken nuggets count as a vegetable?

   When men don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine. When women don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine

   Wisdom: A friend of mine had two small kidney stones. He didn't want surgery so he went to the bathroom and "wisdom" out.

   Take down statues and history and I’ll take down the George Floyd memorial wall. - God

   I don't remember watching the MLK assassination on television. We didn't have colored TV.

   Britney's free and we could start dating now!

   foods contain ingredients such as iron, potassium, calcium, etc so I'm going to start calling my dinner table my "table of elements"