Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 22 of 6371

   messageicon I said to the waiter, "This fish is dry." And he said, "Yes sir, we had to take it out of the water."
←Rate | 08-28-2023 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hurricane Idalia is slowly heading north at 8 mph. Kinda like a person of color driving in the left lane on I-95.
←Rate | 08-28-2023 14:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The attendees at classic rock concerts are getting so old that I have to make sure I'm at a music venue instead of the Early Bird Special at Denny's.
←Rate | 08-28-2023 11:29 by McFizz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stressed spelled backwards is desserts . . . . It all makes sense now
←Rate | 08-28-2023 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
←Rate | 08-27-2023 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two hundred fifteen pounds? More like five hundred pounds.
←Rate | 08-25-2023 13:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon But the baby bear said, "My porridge is just right. My porridge is just right." That bear's repeating.
←Rate | 08-25-2023 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Little people gets paid under the table
←Rate | 08-25-2023 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Social Networking: Facebook has degraded to displaying women's behinds playing golf and bowling?
←Rate | 08-25-2023 06:37 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst marketing blunder in history was not putting cassette decks in cell phones.
←Rate | 08-24-2023 13:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There'd be no reason to see a doctor if WebMD gave out prescriptions.
←Rate | 08-24-2023 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
←Rate | 08-24-2023 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Disney World is a lot like Viagra. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
←Rate | 08-24-2023 12:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way I just scratched my back on the corner of the wall, leads me to believe I would have been an above average stripper.
←Rate | 08-24-2023 09:17 by RobbieG Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is the noise you hear when it’s really quiet?
←Rate | 08-24-2023 00:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If genitals don't define gender, how does removing them affirm it?
←Rate | 08-23-2023 07:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have enough leather watches, you can buckle them all together and make a belt, but that would be a waist of time.
←Rate | 08-22-2023 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take your age and add 5 years to it. That's how old you'll be in 5 years.
←Rate | 08-22-2023 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
←Rate | 08-21-2023 09:23 by RobbieG Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've reached the age where I appreciate a nice handrail.
←Rate | 08-21-2023 04:02 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left