Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Some people aren't shaking hands because of the Corona virus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone's almost out of toilet paper. 
This week's weather forcast...Monday: Room Temperature Tuesday: Room Temperature Wednesday: Room Temperature Thursday: Room Temperature Friday: Room Temperature
2010 Drive-by: Someone wants you dead. 2020 Drive-by: It’s probably your birthday.
Gas is so cheap right now, I don’t even have to shake the handle after I fill up
Pro Tip: Add some chicken bones and bay leaves to canned soup and everyone will think you made it.
I'LL TRADE YOU A 12 PACK OF TOILET PAPER FOR A POUND OF HAMBURGER
Not to brag but I can keep up with the fast part of the chicken dance…
If I had a dollar for eveytime I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream
I’m sorry I laughed when you said my cannibal joke was in poor taste.
I know how can cure the Coronavirus. Stop socializing! And you could give me the Nobel Peace Prize later thank you.
Why are they called bars and not alcohalls?
Funny how effective Chicago police are if you havent commited any crimes.
"16 and Applying to Colleges" -rejected MTV reality series
If it's not suitable for facebook, it's perfect for twitter.
They say that inside every heavy person there's a thin person wanting to get out. I must have the entire cast of America's Next Top Model inside me.
"Clean up in aisle 5" has a very different meaning in a porn shop.
An Example of complete business failure due to professional Negligence is a PREGNANT Prostitute
People are like cutlery. Women want to spoon and men want to fork.
It's so hot outside that I almost called ex so I can be around someone shady.
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk. 