tom Funny Status Messages

   just found out red bull has no bull in it -- going back to beef shakes

   I've got bieber fever!!!! Whenever I hear his name or music I get a fever, headache, nausea

   Stop laughing at Ziggy. He obviously has a medical condition.

   If the first thing Trump says after he wins the election isn't " You're Fired!" I will be highly disappointed

   Rain with sunshine today... the devil must be beating his wife.

   Re-up with Sam Hurd this weekend just isn't going to happen...

   Wondering if the inventor or "crotchless panites" was thinking "Outside the box"

   Wonder if Southern Belles say "I do declare" a lot when they're doing their taxes.

   When a cat sees a sandbox, he must feel like a human viewing a 50 ft. toilet.

   My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading.

   "Absolutely, sir. And what kind of pig would you like to hear?" (Real American, if he was in Deliverance)

   I've had bratwurst for 4 days straight. I think that means I have to pay taxes in Wisconsin now.

   It would be amazing if hyenas could watch a bunch of '80's films and start to employ the slow clap when being particularly derisive...

   so the Bible says the world is going to end May 21, 2011.. Santa Claus always said the Mayan's got the date right years ago. well thats what the Easter bunny told me....

   As I sit I wonder is it illegal to park in a handicapped bathroom stahl?

   Just spent several minutes looking at photos of Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. Now I'm going to cure cancer...

   just Manny being Manny

   going to upload a cat picture, but I don't like them!