Truman Funny Status Messages

   Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?

   it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?

   Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a Mohawk!

   Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to sleep with a vegan!

   My Chinese pal is very upset about Peter Tork, and has been muttering "I'm a bereaver" all day?

   Life consists of avoiding people you have seen naked, while trying to find new people to see naked?

   Thankyou, slow walking family in front of me on the foothpath, No please, take your time.... and definately spread out, so you create a barricade of idiots.

   My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.

   I see the mother in law's put up a new profile pic! It's got 23 yikes already!

   Are Nicolas Cage movies terrible because he's in them? Or is Nicolas Cage in movies because they are terrible?

   I'm so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"

   if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location for a nickelback concert

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator!

   Korean scientists have announced that have successfully cloned two Macaques! It's impossible to tell them apart..said one of the monkeys!!

   Dear lord thankyou for these noodles i'm about to eat, ramen

   Million dollar idea: Chocolate Nerds called Urkels.

   Sorry to announce my pet mouse 'Elvis' has just died!..he was caught in a trap!

   "So!..where should we store 2,750 tons of high explosive for years on end?" "Just use that warehouse next to the firework factory, should be ok!"

   St Peter: "so..how did you die?" Me: "I was sat on a beanbag and the house caught fire"

   First rule of Fight Club: Never hold it at a Saudi Arabian Embassy!