Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Sometimes I walk around my apartment naked with the windows open. Just in case my neighbors need a good cry.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy, so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Was driving to a doctor’s appointment and ended up at my favorite donut shop so life does find a way
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blessed are the agoraphobic, for they shall inherit the earth
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At first I felt loved when the wife called me a trophy until I saw her google taxidermist
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life hack: Do all the dishes after your kids go to bed so you can have clean silverware for the first 47 minutes of the next day.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know you can replace Sweet Child O Mine with Sweet Glass O Wine and it makes for an even better song
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon me: sorry but I just can’t sugarcoat this my boss at Kellogg:’s: you’re fired
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If they want to reopen all the schools they should also reopen the White House for school field trips just to be fair.
←Rate | 07-09-2020 23:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its not that I'm heartless, its that I'm using my heart less.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 22:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twitter - A great place to post all your thoughts and hope someone, anyone, reads them.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 21:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're upset with a 200 year old statute and not the 70 murders in the US last weekend, you need to refocus your anger...
←Rate | 07-08-2020 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll tell you. White privilege didn't exist in the high school Phys. Ed. locker room when the bIack guys were around.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 14:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Privilege is living in public housing where you don't have a utility bill and where rising property taxes, rent and energy costs have no effect on how much food you can put on your table.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 13:31 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Privilege is wearing $200 sneakers when you've never had a job.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 13:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Privilege is the ability to go out and march against anything that triggers you, without having to worry about the consequences of calling in to work.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Privilege is having a national college fund that supports only your race.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 13:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My husband and I have never had couples counseling, but we once had a third person help guide us out of a tight parking spot. Saved our marriage.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The other day I opened the center console in my wife’s vehicle and chap sticks sprang out of there like snakes in a can.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My husband is totally okay with period sex so I dress up like Abraham Lincoln.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:09 Comments (0)  

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