Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I hate the southern states. They really have to outlaw inbreeding. It's getting ridiculous over there.
←Rate | 08-12-2018 16:38 by JohnQ Comments (1)  

   messageicon I find you're total lack of ambition is inspiring.
←Rate | 08-12-2018 01:30 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Take the hint people...... Earbuds are a do not disturb sign.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 23:30 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man injured his hand at work. The doctor said sorry but we need to amputate one of your fingers. Man ask the hole finger? Doctor said no, the one next to it.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 20:53 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon when 1 of my lenses fall out, I like to think of the glasses as half full
←Rate | 08-11-2018 19:46 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Sarah Fatabee Sanders joined Space Force, that will be one ass Captain Kirk will never tap.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 14:02 Comments (6)  

   messageicon Does anyone know if there is an age limit to join the U.S Space Force? I think I would look good with a helmet on!
←Rate | 08-11-2018 13:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it wasn't intended for you to have a midnight snack. There would not be a light in the fridge.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 13:54 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon A weasel walks in a bar. Bartender says what ya have? Pop goes the weasel.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 13:46 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old I can remember when ripped jeans meant you'd been attacked by a bear. Those were the days.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Imagine playing dead & you hear “shoot everybody again”
←Rate | 08-11-2018 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The south side of Chicago needs a wildfire...
←Rate | 08-11-2018 12:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one with a glass of water.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 11:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The U.S.S.F. is just a distraction from the Mueller investigation my dear comrades.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 03:46 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I can't believe California hasn't figured out that all they have to do is ban wildfires
←Rate | 08-11-2018 03:33 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If on that certaint night in December 1945. Mary Anne said not tonight Fred, I have a headache. We all would be better off today.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 00:47 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Have you ever been driving and you look at your phone and the battery is at 5% and for some reason you think your almost out of fuel?..... Me neither 🙄
←Rate | 08-10-2018 23:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the someone who does not know the words to the national anthem. You should not be criticising the NFL players who take a knee.
←Rate | 08-10-2018 22:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we have trillions of dollars to spend on Space Force, should not we be using that money for our wall?
←Rate | 08-10-2018 21:23 Comments (1)  

   messageicon As I gaze out of my window as I have so many times before, sipping my morning coffee, I feel so at peace knowing that I got the last of the creamer.
←Rate | 08-10-2018 20:08 Comments (0)  

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