Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I feel sorry for those poor athletes who thought they were visiting the White House, and instead wound up at White Castle. #hamberders
←Rate | 01-16-2019 00:22 Comments (5)  

   messageicon Y’all ever inhale a dog's fart and think “this is it, this is how I die.”
←Rate | 01-16-2019 00:21 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The rich man glories in his greed; the humble man feeds hundreds and stays silent.
←Rate | 01-15-2019 14:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I spent the last night defrosting the fridge. Or, Foreplay as she calls it.
←Rate | 01-15-2019 12:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would you trust eating the M&M's, Butter Fingers, Skittles, or Baby Ruth offered by him ?
←Rate | 01-15-2019 03:57 Comments (1)  

   messageicon My mother in-law is so ugly, even a boiling tea kettle won't give her a whistle.
←Rate | 01-14-2019 17:23 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wouldn't it be nice to have the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 5 year old.
←Rate | 01-14-2019 17:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eating clean means I just took a shower and I'm heading to McDonald's..
←Rate | 01-14-2019 09:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now officially talking to myself but somehow I hear busy signals in my ears. I wonder if I can get call waiting?? Wait... Maybe its better I dont answer myself.
←Rate | 01-14-2019 00:49 by DocNoland Comments (0)  

   messageicon To MacKenzie Bezos: 'sup, girl?
←Rate | 01-13-2019 22:50 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I don’t know whether Trump is a puppet, but his orange hair, five chins and tiny hands make him look like a muppet.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 21:50 Comments (3)  

   messageicon The worlds greatest marionette is Putin. He has Trump as a puppet and I can’t even see the strings.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 21:46 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Trump being re-elected is as likely as Ken and Barbie doing the wild thing.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 18:02 by Comments (9)  

   messageicon Got my ancestry DNA results back. It seems I related to Adam and Eve.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 16:35 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Barbie sure has a lot of nice things for a woman whose knees don't bend.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, your man can’t complain about your excessive shopping habit if he has your tit in his mouth.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have never met a baby named Gary. It’s like they just start life at 30 years old.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "If you are under investigation by the FBI. you should not be president -Donald Trump 7/14/16
←Rate | 01-13-2019 11:39 Comments (5)  

   messageicon Smiling Saudi girl, 18, arrives in Toronto after Canada offered her asylum! Oh dear, she'll soon be praying for the luxury of death back in Saudi Arabia!
←Rate | 01-13-2019 08:42 by Truman Comments (4)  

   messageicon She blinded me with science! Well, Chemistry... Mace. It was mace.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 10:56 Comments (0)  

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