Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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If casual sex exists that implies the existence of ranked competitive sex

A fun Independence Day depends on your number of dependents.
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07-04-2025 18:19
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"Diddy be giddy cause he be founded not gitty!" - The Ghost of Johnnie Cochran

I had White Castle for dinner tonight. It was so good my butt gave them a big blowout review.
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06-30-2025 02:00
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Panties aren't the best thing in the world. But they're next to it.
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06-26-2025 21:41
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I'll never understand people saying "Rest In Peace" when someone dies. Of course they're resting in peace. They're dead.
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06-26-2025 05:34
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Hey, Dawn. Show us how well you clean dishes. We ain't got no oily duck.
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06-25-2025 21:23
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If you're unhappy with summer heat, remember this... you never have to shovel sunshine off your sidewalk.
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06-25-2025 08:17
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Envy, laziness Envy, laziness, and incompetency gave birth to communism.and incompetency gave birth to communism.
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06-24-2025 11:36
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The law says I can't drive with an open container, but it says nothing about jello shots!
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06-20-2025 08:08
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A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 150 feet, but I can only walk so fast.
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06-20-2025 08:06
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Hamas is not what it used to be. You can see they don't have the money anymore. Instead of 70 virgins, martyrs now get a gift certificate to Olive Garden.
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06-20-2025 08:05
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Quick Question: Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
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06-20-2025 08:03
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As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
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06-20-2025 08:03
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no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
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06-20-2025 08:02
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How do members of Isis practice safe sex? A. They mark the camels that kick.
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06-20-2025 07:49
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What's up with refried beans? Once should be enough.
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06-19-2025 12:54
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Never let your mouth be Broadband when your brain's on Dial Up.
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06-19-2025 08:15
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Jooz always starting something.
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06-19-2025 05:21
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Tribute Bands: Making money off the hard work of the stars they attempt to emulate because they don't have a single, original thought in their empty skulls.
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06-18-2025 06:35
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