Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm no scientist, but wouldnt fat bottomed girls, if anything, slow the rocking world down?
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One crazy fantasy I have is having any energy to do things after work.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How about a really bad food court where planes land? – Pitch for every airport
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fancier the design on the back pocket of the jeans, the less fancy the person.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon @shanethevein It's not so much that I'm a KE$HA hater, its more of the fact that I'm a music lover.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not in a relation"ship," I'm in a relation"barge" that's towing emotional garbage all day long.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did this many people have birthdays before Facebook?
←Rate | 09-13-2019 07:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe the Mayan world-ending prediction in 2012 was more of a suggestion
←Rate | 09-13-2019 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the app so I may need new meds..
←Rate | 09-13-2019 06:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teacher: You failed your exam. Student: You failed to teach me.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 06:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump’s more of a basketball guy. Can’t get enough of the Spurs.
←Rate | 09-13-2019 01:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Children are the future..... but probably not your children.
←Rate | 09-12-2019 21:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been eating cucumber slices instead of chips and when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm eating something more enjoyable, like broken glass or rusty nails.
←Rate | 09-12-2019 15:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ME: (in prison) Come on man! I know you can bust us out of here! KOOL-AID MAN: *closes his bible and looks up* I’m not about that life anymore.
←Rate | 09-12-2019 15:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are we living in an era where anything we don't like, we consider it "fake"?
←Rate | 09-12-2019 15:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone just caught me picking my nose at a stop light. Had to just cut my losses and run the red light.
←Rate | 09-12-2019 10:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thank you for the funny jokes and tweets again.. ahhhhh
←Rate | 09-12-2019 10:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hormones are cool if you like crying during dog food commercials.
←Rate | 09-12-2019 10:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever anyone asks me where I grew up I point to a random spot in the room and say "Over there."
←Rate | 09-12-2019 10:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My current wife doesn't like when I call her that
←Rate | 09-12-2019 10:39 Comments (0)  

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