Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't know what to make for my dinner. In the refrigerator I have two all-beef patties and some special sauce, but I can't think of any other ingredients that I could add to these.

   Wondering, what are the aliens on the dark side of the moon doing? Seeing the sun for the first time?

   You know, while we’re at it, don’t look directly at me today either.

   To all you folks out there that have no life and need this Eclipse to fulfill that void in your life? I heard if you moon the eclipse, you will become a smart ass like me and will become significant and with purpose!!

   Sometimes you have to sit back and play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

   By 11:59pm on 4/8/24, a lot of people are going to look ignorant. It will be those expecting to be raptured or everybody else.

   it just me or do you think there's something terribly wrong with YouTube playing a 30 second commercial from their sponsor before watching a How to operate a fire extinguisher during an emergency video?

   I had a thought, and then I had another thought. They bounced off each other and now I can't find either one.

   Ha ha funny

   Cooking for 2 hours just to eat for 10 minutes is the biggest scam in the world.

   Why are medication side effects always negative things? Why is it never a side effect that this medication may make you better at math or may cause extreme sexiness. Why is it never a side effect that you get smarter or can more easily learn French

   April 1

   When I say, "I hate drama" I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people's drama? Big fan!!!

   Also in the news, the national atheist church has applied for non-prophet status.

   Dear Facebook, stop asking me what's on my mind. We both know it's against community standards.

   When a woman says, "Correct me if I'm wrong", do not under any, I mean any circumstances do it.

   Мило плюну в душу, нагло улыбнусь.

   I'm combining Easter and April Fools Day together this year. I'm sending kids out to search for eggs I haven't hidden.

   wow, TᕼE ᗩᖇT Oᖴ TᕼE ᗪEᗩᒪ

   Jeeziz. That fart was so rank, my nose disowned me.