eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   I had a serious talk with my crew supervisor today, because nobody showed up for work. I told him we needed to let ONE go not JUAN...

   You should not clean a gun while loaded....Unless you're wiping off fingerprints!!

   I think it is funny as hell. Then again I love my own brand of comedy!!

   I may not be an organ donor, but I owe it to mankind to donate my humor to science!

   I make, picking up my dry cleaning, look like a drug deal. That way people always wonder what I am laundering!

   #1-900 I used to like to talk to you on late Friday nights when all my friends were out with their girls. Then you went and raise your rates!

   #1 I am sorry to break this to you baby but you are not #1. you are not even #10. To be honest I don't think you even made the speed dial list! However, you will always be my favorite Grandma!

   I am 100% certain that Band Camp enrollment went up by a third after the movie American Pie! Thanks Stiffler!!

   Word of advice, Saying "Nice Hand" at an amputee poker fund raiser is NOT a good idea!

   OK, I just throughly cleaned out my truck from being on the road for 2 months working. What did I learn: 1) I should lay off the dollar menu 2) If TV series Hoarders, did a car edition they would ask me to star and 3) I am now getting 7 mpg more with all

   What makes me so funny? My strict diet of sunshine and unicorn meat!

   Sometimes, in my world 2+2=5 because I like to add a little extra to make it interesting.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

   My dentist is smoking hot! I always ask for the lead vest, even though I don't need an X-Ray!

   I am most like a mushroom. I am a fungi!

   OMG! I just had a full grown GOOSE poop on my windshield! Looks like I just got egged. Go back to Canada!

   STALKERS meeting tonight at that secret spot! You know the one!!

   When things in your life don't add up, use math. It solves problems!

   Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed

   She was gone as fast as rum cake at an AA meeting!