tomcall Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon NBC is paying Conan O'Brien 30 million dollars to do absolutely nothing. As a result, Conan has been named an honorary New York Knick.
←Rate | 01-29-2010 16:44 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Internet postings show that the Northwest Airlines terrorism suspect was depressed and lonely. Apparently the thought of arriving in Detroit just put him over the edge.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 14:33 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's been reported that an 8 year-old boy from New Jersey is on the government's Airport Watch List because he has the same name as a possible terrorist. So it's been a pretty bad week for little Skippy bin Laden.
←Rate | 01-16-2010 14:29 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Many advertisers are taking Tiger Woods' name out of their advertisements because the association is becoming too embarrassing. In a related story, New Jersey is thinking of removing their name from the Nets.
←Rate | 12-30-2009 12:16 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Taiwan, marine biologists have discovered a crab that they say looks just like a strawberry, and by "marine biologists," I mean two guys on mushrooms.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 16:27 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a new product called "Texthook" that lets parents strap phones to strollers so they can text while pushing their children. The most common text message is, "OMG, I just crashed my baby into another baby!"
←Rate | 12-15-2009 12:42 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Televangelist Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti happened because they made a pact with the devil to get rid of the French in the Haitian Revolution. Pat, please. You don't need a pact with the devil to bead the French.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 15:39 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING: The Washington Redskins, due to the embarrassing nature of their name, have decided to remove the "Washington" from it.
←Rate | 10-14-2013 18:36 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon James Cameron's new movie "Avatar" comes out next week. People say it will be as successful as "Titanic". Not the movie. The ship.
←Rate | 12-10-2009 01:58 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kobe Bryant played last night for the Lakers against despite flu like symptoms. Apparently neither team was worried about H1N1 - it's Kobe, he never passes anything.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:08 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like escalators because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You'll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize that you can still...get up there.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 11:45 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 21:17 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.
←Rate | 12-03-2009 11:50 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to a new poll, 26 percent of unemployed adults blame George W. Bush for the high unemployment rate. The other 74 percent blame the fact that they majored in English literature.
←Rate | 12-19-2009 16:52 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man in Washington D.C. was apprehended by the Secret Service for taking off his clothes and jogging naked near the White House. In related news, this is probably the last time Joe Biden ever takes Ambien.
←Rate | 01-11-2010 15:49 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Mark Zuckerberg: Weren't you doing just fine without the irritating banner ads?
←Rate | 09-26-2010 19:29 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists have invented a robotic girlfriend. The bad part is when, right in the middle of romantic activity, you have to call tech support. You have to spend thousands and thousands on maintenance and upkeep. It's just like having a real girlfriend.
←Rate | 01-16-2010 14:22 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon After Al Gore gets divorced, his wife will receive 40 percent of his ego, his ignorance, and the Internet.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 20:09 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Police in Texas seized thousands of ecstasy tablets with pictures of Obama's face on them. Drug dealers chose Obama because the pills make you feel hope and change and then send you off to a faraway place.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 13:54 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know about you, but I'm pretty disgusted by the "tips for a tiny belly" ads.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 15:21 by tomcall Comments (0)  

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