lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The best part about living in a small town is when I don't know what i'm doing,someone else does.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 02:05 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and i'll let you know.
←Rate | 01-23-2010 17:29 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 14:04 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
←Rate | 08-25-2010 09:31 by lemonpillow Comments (10)  

   messageicon I hate when women say their body is "shaped like a Coke bottle" and fail to mention that bottle is a 3 liter.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 11:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 14:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.
←Rate | 10-10-2010 06:04 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
←Rate | 01-23-2011 09:14 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon It's not an official disaster until Bono sings about it.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 12:40 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter how old I get, I will always be overly excited when I receive a hand written letter in the mail.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you? There's an App for that. It's called "respect".
←Rate | 02-21-2010 16:48 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon My age? I'd rather not tell. Let's just say i'm somewhere between 25 and a Wal-Mart greeter.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 08:43 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crack,meth,heroine. All these drugs should be manufactured by pharmacutical companies. That way,no one could afford them.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 03:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shrek beat Sex and The City at the box office this past weekend. It was quite a showdown between two very unique movies. One is about a hideous creature and all of it's friends, and the other one is Shrek.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 13:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 08:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon After reading that 'smoking caused cancer in laboratory rats and mice', I have decided to leave my cigarettes on a high shelf, where the rats and mice can't get them.
←Rate | 12-08-2009 16:32 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The difference between divorce and legal seperation is that legal seperation gives a husband time to hide his money.
←Rate | 02-22-2010 13:11 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever noticed how some people just won't stop texting even after you shoot them the one word answers repeatedly?
←Rate | 07-10-2010 14:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
←Rate | 03-22-2011 14:28 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  

   messageicon Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you..
←Rate | 07-09-2010 14:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

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