Truman Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I hate when I'm singing and people join in. B*tch, this aint glee.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 06:43 by truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?
←Rate | 12-14-2018 13:31 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 19:09 by Truman Comments (2)  

   messageicon Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:20 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a Mohawk!
←Rate | 12-21-2018 15:41 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to sleep with a vegan!
←Rate | 01-07-2019 14:04 by Truman Comments (2)  

   messageicon Life consists of avoiding people you have seen naked, while trying to find new people to see naked?
←Rate | 10-14-2018 08:57 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thankyou, slow walking family in front of me on the foothpath, No please, take your time.... and definately spread out, so you create a barricade of idiots.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 19:44 by Truman Comments (1)  

   messageicon My dog is one of those trained to sniff drugs!..he's brilliant and can even roll up his own $20 bill.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 19:15 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see the mother in law's put up a new profile pic! It's got 23 yikes already!
←Rate | 03-01-2019 06:13 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location for a nickelback concert
←Rate | 02-08-2013 06:15 by truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
←Rate | 07-05-2017 06:41 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator!
←Rate | 02-11-2019 07:45 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Korean scientists have announced that have successfully cloned two Macaques! It's impossible to tell them apart..said one of the monkeys!!
←Rate | 06-20-2018 16:01 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear lord thankyou for these noodles i'm about to eat, ramen
←Rate | 02-07-2013 20:06 by truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Million dollar idea: Chocolate Nerds called Urkels.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 20:26 by truman Comments (1)  

   messageicon Sorry to announce my pet mouse 'Elvis' has just died!..he was caught in a trap!
←Rate | 09-15-2018 19:26 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon St Peter: " did you die?" Me: "I was sat on a beanbag and the house caught fire"
←Rate | 02-15-2019 04:46 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon First rule of Fight Club: Never hold it at a Saudi Arabian Embassy!
←Rate | 10-20-2018 16:14 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour De France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 23:12 by truman Comments (0)  

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