Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Imagine the disappointment a wolf would feel if it knew its descendant would turn out to be a Pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are you free tomorrow? Her: No, I’m expensive.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I fear that one day, I’ll see one of my jokes marked as “Exhibit A.”
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not here to fit into your world, I’m here to build my own world.
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coffee: More than four cups and you can talk to electricity.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing makes me feel older than when a restaurant makes me scan a QR code to look at their menu.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Careful creampuff, I drink coffee stronger than your feelings.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The CDC now recommends wearing your mask as a blindfold while pumping gas.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 03:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never forget where you came from, because that’s probably where you left your phone.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.
←Rate | 05-13-2022 03:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In 2018, 33 researchers published their theory that octopuses didn’t originate on earth and are actually alien life forms.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you’re on your third “damn, that’s crazy” and they keep talking.
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:36 by Jean Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone living in their grandmother’s basement used to be the butt of the joke. The rental market is so insane that now it’s like, dam, you’ve got a whole basement to yourself, that’s sexy.
←Rate | 05-11-2022 00:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Might put the tree up and call it a year.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 06:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is too short to die a coward.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trying to figure out how I spent 15k on chicken nuggets this year.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you try to swallow a pill, but it doesn’t go down and now it’s dissolving in your mouth.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 20:45 Comments (0)  

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