Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you’re not happy single, try dating apps. You’ll still be single, but you’ll appreciate it a lot more.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendly reminder to put all current boyfriends and girlfriends at the edge of family photos so that they and easily be cropped out later.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I identify as a microwave dinner, because I’m ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.
←Rate | 06-18-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Octopuses are just wet spiders.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gonna start a page called Older Fans, where it’s just me telling everyone what hurts today and what miniscule task I was doing that caused the pain. Today it’s: My back ~ The rain.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you’re tired of your cat showing you it’s butthole so you show it yours.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 02:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone I know is a “snack getting stuck in a vending machine” away from total collapse.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a man says he’ll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and slay dragons, not dishes and vacuuming.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moved the thermostat up one degree this morning as a little treat for the family.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When today’s safety meeting is about what you did yesterday.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you carry your own water, you’ll learn the value of every single drop.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quiz question: Would you rather be stuck on an island all alone or with someone you hate, and why? Answer: I would rather be stuck on an island with someone I hate, so I would have something to eat.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most folks keep their trap shut when they’ve nothing interesting to say. Not you, your flipper flaps like the national deficit.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:21 Comments (0)  




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