Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Her: "Let's watch a good horror movie tonight!" Me: "OK!" **Breaks out wedding video** And that's when the fight started...
←Rate | 10-20-2018 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can’t tell but I’m mad
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 06:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I text I use the word duck a lot. Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:39 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
←Rate | 10-18-2018 11:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just here to offer you a glimmer of nope.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's Tip of the Day:Taste your words before you spit them out.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Florida we get "I'm still voting" stickers.
←Rate | 11-14-2018 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine the disappointment if a wolf knew it’s descendant would be a pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
←Rate | 11-02-2018 12:32 by T Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s so cute when recipes only say 1/4 cup of cheese. Bless their hearts.
←Rate | 03-11-2018 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So on "The Bachelor," a guy gets to make out with 20 different hot women and each one of them is convinced that he'd be the perfect husband. And this is a "reality" show?
←Rate | 09-25-2017 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Check if your kids are asleep in their bed late at night by turning off the wifi.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This job is really getting in the way of my naps.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 06:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  




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