Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:12 Comments (2)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a Fire-Fighter's career can go up in smoke, and a plumber's career can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?
←Rate | 02-04-2019 13:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
←Rate | 09-08-2017 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
←Rate | 12-18-2017 10:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wanted you, but couldn't find the cheat codes to the game you playing.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From the size of the crowd I would say wrong again .
←Rate | 06-19-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5000 years of eating bread and now all of a sudden everyone's allergic to gluten? WTF?
←Rate | 08-02-2017 07:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I hate seeing you like this. Coworker: Like how? Me: In person
←Rate | 06-05-2018 02:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the circus freaks of the future will be the incredible non-tattooed man!
←Rate | 06-20-2018 13:35 by dj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cutting a hole in the bottom of a table with a saw to steal a pie is way harder than it looks in cartoons.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 22:08 by EverybodyLovesRaytard Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just told me I wasn’t as dumb as I looked and now I’m confused, was it an insult or a compliment?
←Rate | 11-09-2018 09:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I need to be in a mental institution, then I look around and think that maybe I already am.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:18 Comments (0)  




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