Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon No one has more to say than the woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2017 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
←Rate | 02-12-2018 07:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK. Who is the genius who decided to call it Box Wine and not Cardboardeaux?
←Rate | 02-15-2018 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
←Rate | 12-08-2017 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine asked what it's like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
←Rate | 12-13-2017 09:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was having an argument with my wife. Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.
←Rate | 10-21-2017 17:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of buying a mass produced pumpkin at the store, this year my family will adopt one from a shelter
←Rate | 10-22-2017 20:58 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I changed the audio of my GPS to a man's voice. Now it just says "It's around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
←Rate | 01-25-2018 20:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctor: Do you use any illegal drugs? Me: Depends on the state.
←Rate | 01-25-2018 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn't sing it out loud in public
←Rate | 01-31-2018 04:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon More bad news for Millennials. Hangovers hurt worse the older you get...
←Rate | 08-22-2017 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thing that truly makes amusement park rides scary is that you are entrusting your life to a teenager that is earning minimum wage to make sure you are securely fastened into your seat.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 06:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:30 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 05:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 00:21 Comments (0)  



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