Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Started a new diet, nothing but baked beans and prune juice for the next nine weeks.
←Rate | 08-28-2021 21:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you find out she’s a little crazy, but now you like her even more.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tradition (n.) Peer pressure from dead people.
←Rate | 08-05-2021 04:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I owned a taser, I’d probably get curious to see how it feels and taser myself… and that’s why I don’t own a taser.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook was removed for violating Facebook community standards.
←Rate | 10-06-2021 07:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’ve never lost your mind, you’ve never followed your heart.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have never met a baby named Gary. It’s like they just start life at 30 years old.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That’s a horrible idea. What time?
←Rate | 06-07-2021 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many times do you have to click “I accept cookies” before they send you the cookies?
←Rate | 05-27-2021 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dirty talk, but you both use your customer service voice.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Masks are the new bra. They’re uncomfortable; you only wear them in public, and when you don’t wear one, everyone notices.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend’s uncle was a hypochondriac. People like that make me sick.
←Rate | 08-03-2021 20:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The CDC just announced that you can stop wearing socks with your sandals.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twenty years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get their little legs apart?
←Rate | 06-15-2021 02:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If lost in the woods, build a shelter. The tax man will be there shortly.
←Rate | 05-28-2021 02:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sold my homing pigeon 142 times last year on eBay.
←Rate | 10-04-2021 11:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon October is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year. People have an October as well.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon SCIENCE FACT: All the lost hours from Daylight Savings get added to Betty White’s lifespan.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  

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