Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2 of 6366
If you’re not happy single, try dating apps. You’ll still be single, but you’ll appreciate it a lot more.
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04-29-2022 00:48
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Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
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01-08-2023 17:21
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When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.
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01-08-2023 17:22
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Friendly reminder to put all current boyfriends and girlfriends at the edge of family photos so that they and easily be cropped out later.
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01-08-2023 02:10
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Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
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01-23-2023 03:36
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I identify as a microwave dinner, because I’m ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.
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06-18-2022 00:58
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Octopuses are just wet spiders.
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07-03-2022 06:38
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Gonna start a page called Older Fans, where it’s just me telling everyone what hurts today and what miniscule task I was doing that caused the pain. Today it’s: My back ~ The rain.
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01-04-2023 02:35
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Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
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01-06-2023 18:28
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When you’re tired of your cat showing you it’s butthole so you show it yours.
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01-06-2023 02:08
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Everyone I know is a “snack getting stuck in a vending machine” away from total collapse.
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01-08-2023 17:23
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When a man says he’ll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and slay dragons, not dishes and vacuuming.
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01-12-2023 00:25
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Moved the thermostat up one degree this morning as a little treat for the family.
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01-10-2023 01:36
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When today’s safety meeting is about what you did yesterday.
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06-30-2022 01:06
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Once you carry your own water, you’ll learn the value of every single drop.
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01-06-2023 19:43
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Quiz question: Would you rather be stuck on an island all alone or with someone you hate, and why? Answer: I would rather be stuck on an island with someone I hate, so I would have something to eat.
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01-08-2023 17:25
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Most folks keep their trap shut when they’ve nothing interesting to say. Not you, your flipper flaps like the national deficit.
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01-23-2023 03:41
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A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.
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06-28-2022 23:42
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That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
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01-12-2023 01:14
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Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
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01-24-2023 00:21
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