Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The CDC just announced that you can stop wearing socks with your sandals.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twenty years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blood is red, ultraviolet lights are blue, I’ve seen enough murder shows, they will never find you.
←Rate | 06-29-2021 05:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Glass coffins, will they be popular? Remains to be seen.
←Rate | 09-05-2021 03:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you find out she’s a little crazy, but now you like her even more.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let go of my ears, I know what I’m doing.
←Rate | 09-15-2021 01:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I say we legalize all drugs at the Olympics. Let's see how fast these MF's can run!
←Rate | 07-13-2021 01:22 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain
←Rate | 09-11-2021 16:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What makes Elon guard his Musk? Courage
←Rate | 06-06-2021 12:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Television is the monster in your home, and it’s called a program for a reason. It has been designed to psychologically change the ways that you view reality.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All of the mosquitos in my yard just received the Moderna vaccine.
←Rate | 07-07-2021 02:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't approve of poll-little-cow jokes, I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CDC just announced dudes can stop wearing skinny jeans.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many times do you have to click “I accept cookies” before they send you the cookies?
←Rate | 05-27-2021 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That’s a horrible idea. What time?
←Rate | 06-07-2021 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it isn't broken, fix it until it is. 🛠
←Rate | 09-05-2021 19:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “It will be celebrated with pomp and parade, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other.” ~ John Adams
←Rate | 07-04-2021 06:39 Comments (0)  

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