Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Caller ID isn’t enough for me. I need to know why you’re calling.
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06-16-2022 03:23
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If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.
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06-11-2022 01:43
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Dating in 2022 be like: Find someone who also can’t afford rent alone. It won’t be hard.
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06-16-2022 03:21
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Imagine the disappointment a wolf would feel if it knew its descendant would turn out to be a Pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
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06-14-2022 02:54
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“Just be yourself, say something nice.” Me: Which one? I can’t do both.
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06-20-2022 03:27
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Are you free tomorrow? Her: No, I’m expensive.
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06-08-2022 01:38
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The CDC now recommends wearing your mask as a blindfold while pumping gas.
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06-14-2022 03:00
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If some guy named “Corn Pop” was real, pretty sure he would have come forward by now.
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06-21-2022 22:42
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I fear that one day, I’ll see one of my jokes marked as “Exhibit A.”
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06-16-2022 03:18
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How to escape the matrix: Step one, turn off your television.
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06-11-2022 01:54
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Hangovers are temporary. Drunk stories are forever.
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06-11-2022 01:42
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Her: You’re so childish, I’m leaving you. Him: Good luck with that, the floor is lava.
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06-15-2022 01:37
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If we had just let them eat Tide Pods, none of this dumb stuff would be happening right now.
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06-16-2022 03:19
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Dear autocorrect: It’s never “duck.”
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06-16-2022 03:20
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Him: you are my drug. Her: aww… you can’t live without me? Him: No, you’re expensive and you ruin my life.
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06-08-2022 20:29
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Guy 1: How do you like my secret fishing spot? Guy 2: It’s really cool, not even the fish know about it.
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06-10-2022 01:44
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If you can’t hide a crime scene, just pretend you’re a victim.
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06-16-2022 03:17
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How would you describe college? I’m teaching myself a class that I’m paying for.
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06-16-2022 03:19
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I should be ashamed of my behavior, but to be clear, I am not.
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06-10-2022 01:40
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How to prepare tofu. Step one: throw it in the trash. Step two: grill some meat.
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06-10-2022 01:43
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