Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon For sale slightly used daily planner.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 06:41 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon From Our CEO To Our Valued Customers Please come back we promise to start cleaning the bathroom
←Rate | 04-09-2020 06:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone got a spare ‘medically induced coma’ I can borrow ?
←Rate | 04-09-2020 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If gas goes under $1.00 ima put some in the freezer.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 17:43 by Mr.M Comments (0)  

   messageicon When this is over.. What meeting will you need to attend first.. Weight watchers or AA ?
←Rate | 04-03-2020 10:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The reporter on CNN said that at the end of the day, the thing that will keep you safe is common sense. Some of you are in serious trouble.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 08:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (1)  

   messageicon You know, if you keep a pie in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
←Rate | 03-27-2020 09:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We Just bought 12 pounds of cheese. Won’t need toilet paper now.
←Rate | 03-28-2020 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Irony of the old saying, "I wouldn't touch you with a 6 foot pole".
←Rate | 03-30-2020 13:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 11:55 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  

   messageicon All those unmatched socks are gonna finally be put to good use with the toilet paper shortage going on.
←Rate | 03-13-2020 14:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Becoming skinny this summer is cancelled due to the virus. Pass the cupcakes...
←Rate | 03-27-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relationship Status: Just asked the bag of Doritos laying in bed next to me if they had enough room
←Rate | 03-27-2020 09:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but what staying home on the couch can do for your country.”
←Rate | 03-21-2020 07:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I walk into a car dealership, I bring twenty senior citizens that are dying to talk to someone, so I can look at vehicles in peace
←Rate | 03-03-2020 14:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.
←Rate | 03-06-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy birthday to Alexander Graham Bell. In his honor, I’ll be calling in sick.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 06:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate to brag but strangers were spraying me with Lysol before this all started.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 09:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:20 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.
←Rate | 03-19-2020 08:26 Comments (0)  

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