Funny Status Messages
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President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States. 
a genius. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time!
On Sunday, don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour. And on Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years...VOTE!!!
Rihanna sings about how chains and whips excite her. I wonder if her ancestors felt the same way!
Growing old but never up
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
blowing stuff up with his mind....
My coffee is so black and strong it just punched me in the face and stole my wallet.
getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Triangle'.
My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician!!
The dislikes for the above post...guess where THEY live?
no more ducks, Deens, gators, survivalist-preppers, Amish Mafia, snake handlers, moonshiners & hillbillie loggers for 2014. C'mon tv channels, you're better than that, stop with the stupid crap
Ugghhh ! I literaly just saw a chicken cross the road in front of my car,,, and FORGOT to stop and ask him why......... (Stupid,stupid,stupid,me)
Nowdays spending time thinking for a gud status is quite easier than searching for it here
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once Id like to see a drug commercial that says, May cause extreme awesomeness.
Sometimes, when I am bored I like to recreate "Hungry Hungry Hippos" by going to Weight Watchers and rolling meatballs across the floor.
I just posted my suicide note on Facebook. It already has 120 likes.
According to a new survey, 40% of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60% already live here.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark 