Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sky News - "Man Arrested On Suicide Bomb Charges" I know nothing about this case, but i'm fairly confident it wasn't him.

   I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.

   I'm really going to crap my pants today if there is an apocalypse. Of course, I might just crap them anyhow, regardless what happens.

   There is nothing to be scared of. It is just the ramblings of a crazy and sad old man.

   Without ME it's just AWESO..

   I've been having this weird feeling all day, the only way I know how to describe it is: you know when you switch on a switch and nothing happens? That.

   Harold Camping must not have realized that the rapture was just going to be for him...

   My dad probably can't beat up your dad anymore.

   You know when you are getting old when, you finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

   We were without phone, TV and internet access for a few hours today. It was terrifying because I almost got some work done.

   so lazy that sometimes I just sit around staring at something I want that is across the room from the couch (okay, on the coffee table) and wish I had go-go gadget arms.

   I don't need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see you're a train wreck from all the way over here.

   #LOST its like an EX girlfriend.. You enjoy remembering all the six years you had.. Until you get angry and how the Ending was!

   I wish Doc would hurry up with that Flux Capacitor so we don't have to pay these ridiculous f&^kin' gas prices!!

   bets that the first guy to ever dress up as a clown was really creepy.

   By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

   My chat box is now open for flirting.

   Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.

   Putting you're offline chat on Facebook so it actually looks like you have a life and don't sit on Facebook all day.

   Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.