santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I'm finally opening my Christmas gifts. I have to hand it to my family, when you talk about recycling, they define the term. The boxes are old. I mean boxes with Christmas Seals on them from 1957 and held t

   Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.

   Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .

   Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only.

   If you got a big screen TV for Christmas be sure to put the empty box with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed and not yours.

   One of my biggest fears is I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays

   Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   I wish I loved anything as much as Santa loves rich kids.

   So over Christmas porn, there is only so much elf sex one can watch

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.

   Christmas; Another day of choreographed kindness and fake concern.

   I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!

   If everyone that receives a fruitcake for Christmas donates them to the government, Trump can build the brick wall!

   Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up

   I was going to wish merry christmas to all of the women that accused Trump of groping but I cant find them.

   Evidently Cheering and doing play by play while my wife is wrapping presents wasn't the help she was looking for.

   Remember ladys, being good may get you a few nice presents but being naughty will get you diamonds.

   Here's a list of my favourite xmas carols.