santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I tried writing one of those braggy, family Christmas letters,, but it just started looking like a suicide note.

   Friendly Christmas Reminder: If you're telling a joke to a group of family members and friends, and no one laughs, there is NO need to REPEAT the joke a second time!

   if it weren't for the presents and money think about how terrifying it would be to our children that a fat man, a fairy and a giant rabbit break into their houses every year...

   All I want for Christmas is NO MORE GAME REQUESTS!!! Thank you!!

   I'm collecting every toy that the neighbors kid throws in my yard, I already have tons of Christmas presents for my nieces and nephews this year!

   You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass

   Does anyone know when the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony is set for Ferguson this year?

   If you were to combine all the holidays, you'd eat turkey, give presents, hide eggs, light fireworks, and dress like a sIutty nurse all in the same day.

   it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...no money, pretty stressed, freezing cold and running nose!

   If anyone sees a bunch of people in their front yard tonight, don't be alarmed, were just christmas tree shopping.

   Next time I make a comment about an ugly Christmas sweater I'm going to make sure there is a party going on. Another life lesson learned!

   Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

   My favorite sexual position: The Chilean miner. That's where you go down on me and stay there till Christmas.

   Excuse me, Santa, but I still haven't received the first "ho" you promised me.

   Your Christmas present will be all the more meaningful to me if you had to pepper spray someone in order to get it.

   To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt "Merry Christmas" text, I thought you should know everyone says "Thanks". ..All 115 of them.

   Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?

   For christmas I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.