Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

   loves long walks...especially when taken by people who annoy me.

   As a man, it scares the hell out of me that North Korea has a missile called the "no dong."

   Books, like friends, should be few, and well chosen.

   Always believe a woman when she says, "You don't want to know!"

   Thinking they need to make pro football and basketball coaches wear uniforms like baseball coaches do.

   I don't have a dog, I eat my own homework.

   What a good morning!* *Facebook status update may or may not contain BS.

   i hear hell is hot this time of year..

   This is no ordinary silly grin on my face, it's an educated one.

   BP announced today that the oil in the Gulf needs to be changed every six months

   Six different television shows about cake and not a single one about milk. I sense opportunity!

   "I've just about had it with you using up all my patience!"

   It's not even 10 o'clock and I've already used up all my "give a crap" for the day.

   Thanks for the passive aggressive facebook status about me, but I'm taking the passively passive approach by not caring.

   A word to the wise ain't necessary, its the stupid ones that need the advice..

   i can outsmart a lot of ppl on a computer...it's the real world that makes me look like an idiot

   I've got a pretty good pre-rapture music mix going: "End of the World as We Know It," "Disco Apocalypse" and, of course, "Stairway to Heaven." Any other suggestions?

   If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one way makes you sad or angry...I meant the OTHER way...

   going to go out on a limb here...I think there is a very good possibility Gaddafi just might be the one on hallucinogenic drugs...just sayin!