father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   your father smells of elder berries

   I still remember the day my father promoted me to general disappointment.

   Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.

   two young boys are lying in a snow bank outside of church with their pants down. when asked what they were doing they said "father likes a couple cold ones before mass begins"

   kid climbed into the Gorilla exhibit because the Gorilla looked like his jigaboo father

   Have you ever just stopped and thought... "I was once inside my father's balls" ( ._. )

   My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge raclst, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was bIack - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

   My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

   a man with flaws, a failure at success, no superhero, neither rich nor poor. I am, however a good father and a happy person. that'll do pig. that'll do.

   Dear son, Another hard year on the farm. Father had a stroke, bills are piling up. Are you famous on facebook yet? We are proud of you! -mom

   The Secret life of the American teenager is less realistic than star wars. No father and daughter talk about sex that casually. "Hey amy, are you going to have sex with Ricky tonight?" "Well we're both emotionally & physically ready, so yeah." "okay, cool

   Funny thing I just heard my computer call out to it's father......"Data"

   Bowe Bergdahl’s father looks like that Duck Dynasty guy.

   Donald Trump Jr should not make fun of Skittles and Syrian refugees -- his mother is an immigrant and his father is an orange Skittle.

   Thank you dad for not pulling out!! (to be used on father's day)

   My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.

   Today is the most confusing day in the hood... You are not the father!!!!! Maury

   "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I told a lie just to earn some money." "Christ will forgive you, remember to put money into the donation box."

   THE ARTISTS may have the most Academy Awards Nominations, but at my house I have been nominated for BEST FATHER and BEST HUSBAND not forgetting BEST MASTER by my dog.

   Happy Father's Day, Bruce Jenner!