Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1477 of 6447

   messageicon Being a Man is great until you hear a noise late at night and your wife makes you realize that you are the one who is supposed to go investigate
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have enough cats you don't even need a blanket.
←Rate | 11-24-2016 00:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Came Across a disclaimer that said "don't try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbor's house
←Rate | 11-26-2016 03:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is full of fake people. Before you decide to judge them, make sure you're not one of them
←Rate | 11-28-2016 03:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: It should be illegal to play a doorbell sound on TV... Or a siren in a song on the radio
←Rate | 11-30-2016 17:14 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't go on Twitter a lot, does 'tweets' mean "political p!ssing and moaning from all sides", and what happened to the - Funny ??
←Rate | 12-02-2016 23:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well OBVIOUSLY,, Winter is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.
←Rate | 12-12-2016 20:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Egg Nog is the perfect holiday drink for when you don't feel like breathing out of your mouth for a few hours.
←Rate | 12-13-2016 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite yoga pose? Downward facing nap.
←Rate | 12-29-2016 18:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 07:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love pizza because it doesn't judge and tell me I'm doing it wrong when I eat it drunk.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually,, I thought I was the only one who did not know the words to Mariah Carey songs.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 13:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
←Rate | 01-05-2017 20:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Loofah sponge instructions: 1. Wet before use 2. Use once 3. Hang to dry as shower decoration for the rest of your life.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 17:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's much better things in life than alcohol but alcohol compensates for not getting them.
←Rate | 01-22-2017 19:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *smashes bag of Oreos and pours it on salad* Eating healthy is great
←Rate | 01-27-2017 10:06 by Mikey c Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a Twinkie in a Dingdong world !
←Rate | 02-05-2017 17:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just had a bunch of Persian food for lunch. It was so delicious, but now I falafel.
←Rate | 03-08-2017 13:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Folks should be made aware of the difference between want and need. Example: I want a hot body, but I need pizza.
←Rate | 03-11-2017 16:05 by Mick Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left