Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1477 of 6447

Being a Man is great until you hear a noise late at night and your wife makes you realize that you are the one who is supposed to go investigate
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11-22-2016 04:47
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If you have enough cats you don't even need a blanket.
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11-24-2016 00:30
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Came Across a disclaimer that said "don't try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbor's house
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11-26-2016 03:31
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Life is full of fake people. Before you decide to judge them, make sure you're not one of them
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11-28-2016 03:10
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FYI: It should be illegal to play a doorbell sound on TV... Or a siren in a song on the radio
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11-30-2016 17:14 by snotty
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I don't go on Twitter a lot, does 'tweets' mean "political p!ssing and moaning from all sides", and what happened to the - Funny ??
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12-02-2016 23:49
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Well OBVIOUSLY,, Winter is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.
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12-12-2016 20:44 by snotty
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Egg Nog is the perfect holiday drink for when you don't feel like breathing out of your mouth for a few hours.
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12-13-2016 04:48
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My favorite yoga pose? Downward facing nap.
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12-29-2016 18:23
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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01-04-2017 07:21
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I love pizza because it doesn't judge and tell me I'm doing it wrong when I eat it drunk.
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01-04-2017 08:49
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Actually,, I thought I was the only one who did not know the words to Mariah Carey songs.
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01-04-2017 13:19 by snotty
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I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
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01-05-2017 20:41
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Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.

Loofah sponge instructions: 1. Wet before use 2. Use once 3. Hang to dry as shower decoration for the rest of your life.
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01-07-2017 17:31
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There's much better things in life than alcohol but alcohol compensates for not getting them.
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01-22-2017 19:49
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*smashes bag of Oreos and pours it on salad*
Eating healthy is great
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01-27-2017 10:06 by Mikey c
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I'm a Twinkie in a Dingdong world !
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02-05-2017 17:26
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Just had a bunch of Persian food for lunch. It was so delicious, but now I falafel.
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03-08-2017 13:28
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Folks should be made aware of the difference between want and need. Example: I want a hot body, but I need pizza.
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03-11-2017 16:05 by Mick
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