Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 09:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
←Rate | 01-12-2018 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don't have a weight problem....I'm just hot
←Rate | 01-23-2018 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that the government has re-opened I guess I have to stop removing these mattress tags
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:07 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon As an optimist,I don’t think I have a drinking problem. I have a drinking opportunity.
←Rate | 01-25-2018 14:10 by Cicci Comments (0)  


   messageicon It makes me sad that elderberries are always being replaced by younger, hotter berries.
←Rate | 03-28-2017 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like ever since Matthew McConaughey won the Oscar he has just been driving around in Lincolns drinking Wild Turkey
←Rate | 04-13-2017 22:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.
←Rate | 07-20-2017 20:10 by Pj Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender can I tell everyone that "Yeah, I Juice."
←Rate | 09-02-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sent a coworker a 15 page document as 15 one page PDF files rather than one 15 page PDF file. Passive-aggressive level achieved: Expert
←Rate | 09-13-2017 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who publicly announce they're "taking a break" from social media, are merely disgruntled that they have only 10 friends and even those 10 never comment.
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody have a treadmill for sale? My closet is full and I need more space to hang my clothes
←Rate | 01-11-2018 03:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young I took drugs to blow my mind. Now I take drugs not to lose it.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow
←Rate | 01-15-2018 23:03 by Crewz Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're always concern about the opinion people have about you. You'll never be happy.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 18:51 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientist have now cloned monkeys. Next on the Primate ladder before they reach humans- Politicians.
←Rate | 01-25-2018 19:42 by BobB Comments (0)  



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