Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 14 of 6367
I make 6 figures, but the zeroes are in the front.
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04-19-2022 10:41
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You know how food is supposed to taste good? Let’s make it not like that. ~ The British
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04-20-2022 01:59
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Your guitar is out of tuna. ~ Cat
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04-20-2022 02:00
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There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.
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07-07-2022 00:54
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You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
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07-08-2022 09:08
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When everyone leaves the house and you’re finally alone. “Bravo six, going dark.”
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06-05-2022 02:55
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If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.
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06-16-2022 03:22
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Ladies, it’s time to start thinking about if the guy you’re dating has post-apocalyptic warlord potential.
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06-18-2022 00:53
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I’m not challenging your authority; I’m denying it completely.
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06-24-2022 00:53
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Cinderella must have had some strange feet if her slipper didn’t fit anyone else in town.
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07-21-2022 05:04
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Am I a good mother, Susan. Susan: My name is Amy.
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06-08-2022 01:37
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Me: At the cookout, asking everyone how they like their burger, before making them all exactly the same.
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06-09-2022 01:43
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Heads up guys, there are some real weirdos in this group. Someone messaged me to meet them in the woods for a naked Satanic ritual and then they didn’t even show up.
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06-16-2022 03:21
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If some guy named “Corn Pop” was real, pretty sure he would have come forward by now.
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06-21-2022 22:42
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Tact ~ The ability to tell someone to go to hell and they look forward to it.
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04-20-2022 02:01
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Her: Say something hot. Him: Burn in hell.
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04-20-2022 02:03
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Forest Grump: And just like that, having classified documents was perfectly acceptable. 😆
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01-23-2023 02:47
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Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep; can I offer a selection of your worst memories?
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07-21-2022 05:03
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When the cross-eyed mechanic says, “no worries sir, I did the alignment myself.”
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06-07-2022 02:04
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Random Person: Let’s take our hearts for a walk in the woods and listen to the magic whispers of old trees. Me: Can I buy some drugs from you?
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06-18-2022 00:52
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