Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 14 of 6367

   messageicon I make 6 figures, but the zeroes are in the front.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 10:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know how food is supposed to taste good? Let’s make it not like that. ~ The British
←Rate | 04-20-2022 01:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your guitar is out of tuna. ~ Cat
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When everyone leaves the house and you’re finally alone. “Bravo six, going dark.”
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, it’s time to start thinking about if the guy you’re dating has post-apocalyptic warlord potential.
←Rate | 06-18-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m not challenging your authority; I’m denying it completely.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cinderella must have had some strange feet if her slipper didn’t fit anyone else in town.
←Rate | 07-21-2022 05:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I a good mother, Susan. Susan: My name is Amy.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: At the cookout, asking everyone how they like their burger, before making them all exactly the same.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heads up guys, there are some real weirdos in this group. Someone messaged me to meet them in the woods for a naked Satanic ritual and then they didn’t even show up.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If some guy named “Corn Pop” was real, pretty sure he would have come forward by now.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tact ~ The ability to tell someone to go to hell and they look forward to it.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: Say something hot. Him: Burn in hell.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 02:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forest Grump: And just like that, having classified documents was perfectly acceptable. 😆
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep; can I offer a selection of your worst memories?
←Rate | 07-21-2022 05:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the cross-eyed mechanic says, “no worries sir, I did the alignment myself.”
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Random Person: Let’s take our hearts for a walk in the woods and listen to the magic whispers of old trees. Me: Can I buy some drugs from you?
←Rate | 06-18-2022 00:52 Comments (0)  




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