Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 135 of 5744

   messageicon I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
←Rate | 02-28-2012 12:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I'm going to be pissed...........
←Rate | 06-02-2012 21:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight.
←Rate | 03-06-2011 11:36 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Note to self: Never make a sarcastic remark to someone who is really angry, unless you're prepared to run like hell.
←Rate | 03-06-2011 15:05 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The secret to a great relationship...Argue Naked!
←Rate | 03-13-2011 18:40 by Jen Briggs Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's nothing wrong with being short. You may be the last to know when it rains but you're the first to know when there is a flood.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 20:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there's a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
←Rate | 08-10-2011 13:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was asked if I liked blowing bubbles... but I am not sure. Who is Bubbles?!
←Rate | 09-30-2011 13:42 by Dani Comments (0)  

   messageicon Middle Age---When you sit at home and Saturday night and the phone rings and you really hope it's not for you...
←Rate | 02-01-2011 14:45 by scottyp Comments (0)  

   messageicon the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
←Rate | 06-16-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fact is, whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say.
←Rate | 06-16-2011 19:25 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes...
←Rate | 04-20-2011 17:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  

   messageicon The funniest thing I've ever discovered. Go to Google Maps, then click get directions in the top left corner. Start in Japan and make your destination China. Look at direction number 43.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:22 Comments (15)  

   messageicon I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it...
←Rate | 03-24-2010 18:18 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement"
←Rate | 05-09-2011 17:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say guess what.
←Rate | 02-26-2011 11:04 by Abbybaby34 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twin sons will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys to be in their mom at the same time.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon reuse, recycle, regift.
←Rate | 02-28-2010 22:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I looooove him, I caaaaan't live without him, he is my life" No you don't, your 22, and you met him 6 days ago. Take your dramatic a$$ somewhere else.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 11:30 by Quinn Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today I'm going to sleep naked. 14 mosquitos likes this
←Rate | 05-26-2011 07:07 by xprivado Comments (0)  

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