Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm not tall enough to ride my own emotional roller coaster.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 16:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You haven't seen rage until you've witnessed a woman rip another woman's wig off.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 14:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook is the most confusing dating site I have ever been on.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 03:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon LIKE if you’ve already broke one of your New Year’s Resolutions.
←Rate | 01-04-2013 21:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't listen to your heart. It has no idea what's good for you.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 13:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Silence is only golden when the person you really want to shut up does it.
←Rate | 03-02-2013 01:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way things are going in Washington, it probably won't be long until you'll have to get a permit just to shoot the breeze.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alphabet soup is just soup when you can't read
←Rate | 03-28-2013 14:32 by J. Frazier102185 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its not you, it's how you don't make me sandwiches.
←Rate | 04-05-2013 13:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some of my best relationships have been the ones I didn’t understand.
←Rate | 04-05-2013 14:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yoga pants make things hard on me.
←Rate | 11-06-2012 13:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just demolished another box of macaroni and cheese buy trying to "Push here to open".
←Rate | 11-06-2012 16:54 by K-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being clean and sober means i've showered and am heading to the liquor store.
←Rate | 06-18-2016 10:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My phone has better health insurance than I do.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dating Red Flags: She shows you the "good behavior" pin she received in group therapy.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pixar announces, 'Finding Nemo 3, The Search of Future Revenue.'
←Rate | 06-22-2016 14:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Should you tell your neighbor that leaving their six porch lights on all day makes their Prius rather redundant?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 01:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The mantra of every politician is: Promise Everything, Deliver Nothing, Blame Someone Else. HECK ..... No wonder America is in turmoil ... We rarely vote in leaders .... Just a bunch of Con-Artists to run the Nation.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 18:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In order to help her inner city supporters Hillary is urging President Obama to sign an executive order replacing the word "Looting" with the words "Undocumented Shopping."
←Rate | 07-13-2016 19:01 Comments (0)  

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