Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The Cowboys just signed a "No Super Bowl for six more years" contract today
←Rate | 03-30-2013 07:55 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not a baseball fan. But certain aspects of the sport can provide some entertainment. Like, finding out that the Kansas City Royals first base coach is a guy named Rusty Kuntz.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 09:25 by WD-40 MJF Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
←Rate | 04-11-2013 14:48 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon I will take a boring joke here any day over any more Zimmerman p0sts.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You play the victim so well, I'm surprise you don't carry around your own piece of chalk.
←Rate | 11-04-2013 11:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
←Rate | 11-07-2015 13:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
←Rate | 01-12-2015 05:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon You had me at 0 mutual friends
←Rate | 01-27-2015 12:36 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winning a fight with your wife, is like winning a vacation to Detroit... Don't get too excited
←Rate | 05-25-2015 17:10 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let's start a charity where we give cats to people who say goodnight to social networking sites.
←Rate | 02-28-2014 05:35 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon At my age, Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing.
←Rate | 04-05-2014 21:44 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crack,meth,heroine. All these drugs should be manufactured by pharmacutical companies. That way,no one could afford them.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 03:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
←Rate | 01-25-2010 16:37 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 03:43 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ran two miles. Ate two brownies. I regret nothing.
←Rate | 03-24-2010 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon tried to mail you something cute for christmas but the postoffice took the stamp off my butt and asked me to leave...
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:48 by AmyRulz;-) Comments (1)  

   messageicon Based on my current rate of income, I estimate a comfortable retirement about 200 years after my death.
←Rate | 09-05-2010 17:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.
←Rate | 09-22-2010 22:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes you feel like a million bucks..sometimes you feel like a foodstamp.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 14:47 Comments (0)  

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