Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Flat screens are nice and all,but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 12:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We need voter ID but we need voter IQ even more!
←Rate | 11-19-2013 20:07 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If your bellybutton jewelry touches the person you’re hugging before you do…you shouldn’t have bellybutton jewelry.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 12:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."
←Rate | 10-01-2011 13:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues
←Rate | 10-04-2011 22:07 by natemorales Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had a penny for every time I thought of you.... I'd have a penny.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
←Rate | 02-05-2011 14:57 by MelMys Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson's by 2011?
←Rate | 02-09-2011 21:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know 25% of car accidents in canada involve a moose.I say we don't let them drive
←Rate | 02-10-2011 05:21 by gnome Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 20:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks, confirmation email telling me I've successfully unsubscribed from your emails. You just had to win didn't you?
←Rate | 02-27-2011 16:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"
←Rate | 07-11-2011 03:56 by Mick F Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd probably get a lot more done if it wasn't for me.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:02 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
←Rate | 07-21-2011 08:49 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."
←Rate | 04-07-2011 15:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heading to the pawn shop. We have an extra 5 gallons of gas and gonna make some money!
←Rate | 03-23-2012 09:34 by Jerry Carter Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a talent for only attracting people I have no interest in dating.
←Rate | 04-14-2012 23:07 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've reached the most difficult moment in parenting: explaining to my son why the first Star Wars movie is Episode 4.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 18:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Making a million friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend who will stand by you when millions are against you.
←Rate | 02-07-2012 09:07 by XXX-FUXY Comments (1)  

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