Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dating Red Flags: She shows you the "good behavior" pin she received in group therapy.
←Rate | 06-21-2016 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... Heck ..... ow can you trust a government that leaves you defenseless against an enemy your own Government Imported?
←Rate | 06-24-2016 18:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we had a black president none of this kind of stuff would be happening.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 01:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'Black Lives Matter' is taking off while 'Just stop breaking the law yo' gets no support
←Rate | 07-09-2016 21:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 16:10 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was just brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant when out of nowhere I hear "you're gonna have to pay for that"............this walmart sucks!
←Rate | 09-01-2016 10:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It didn't make him stronger" - My gravestone, prolly..
←Rate | 09-02-2016 20:17 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Fellow Americans,,, Can't we just all agree to write in "literally anyone else" on our ballots this November?
←Rate | 09-05-2016 15:36 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Latest Galllup Presidential Poll: Hillary Clinton's body double is now polling higher than Jill Stein.
←Rate | 09-14-2016 05:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most contentious part of the Brangelina divorce will be who gets custody of Ethiopia.
←Rate | 09-21-2016 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary says she takes national security very serious. So how the hell did wikileaks get those classified emails then?
←Rate | 10-14-2016 00:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone threw a jar of mayo at me...I was like, "what the Hellmann"?
←Rate | 07-28-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would probably be in a gang right now if I could stay up past 10pm.
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If like me you’ve ever been accused of being born in a barn and want to chat about it, remember, my door is always open.
←Rate | 12-08-2020 08:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what this healthy salad needs? Stale bread – the inventor of croutons
←Rate | 12-08-2020 08:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the time we can have a drink in a bar again, Captain Morgan will be an Admiral.
←Rate | 12-14-2020 10:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
←Rate | 01-27-2021 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
←Rate | 02-13-2021 15:05 by 740MM Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the zombies come, my plan is to hope they are all dyslexic and go after the Brians
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:10 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
←Rate | 02-19-2018 11:24 Comments (0)  




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