Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can't eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 02:21 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 12:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon North Korea's Internet is down. In even more shocking news, North Korea apparently has Internet.
←Rate | 12-22-2014 16:21 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.
←Rate | 03-03-2015 11:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Barry Manilow gets married to partner and comes out of the closet..... World rolls eyes and says, "Oh Gee Barry, we had no clue."
←Rate | 04-09-2015 12:04 by dougs327 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a girl tells a guy he looks nice today, he thanks her. When a guy tells a girl she looks nice today, she goes home and throws away the outfit she wore yesterday.
←Rate | 05-12-2015 23:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the wild of Alaska, large packs of Discovery Channel cameramen can be spotted drinking from the lakes that thaw out in the summer months.
←Rate | 06-18-2015 10:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're not truly a Canadian until you've used maple syrup as lube.
←Rate | 06-26-2015 11:35 Comments (2)  

   messageicon With all the complaining on FB, I'm sure the world's social injustices will be righted in no time.
←Rate | 07-06-2015 15:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
←Rate | 07-10-2015 15:07 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 15:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kim and Kanye name their newborn son Saint West because it will take a miracle for him to turn out normal.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 16:17 by CrackY Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is's like the trash took itself out.
←Rate | 02-23-2016 01:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
←Rate | 03-06-2016 14:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They should really considered remaking "Back To The Future 2" where there aren't any flying cars. And people just stare at their phones all day getting easily offended to everything they read....
←Rate | 04-02-2016 15:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a girl tells you she has a nipple ring, the only correct response is "I don't believe you."
←Rate | 05-01-2016 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got "The Look" from my dog. You know, the "What the hell you doing??? I drink out of there" look...
←Rate | 05-23-2012 21:07 by Steve OH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"
←Rate | 02-08-2012 15:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 07:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay future girlfriend, you can stop playing hide and seek now.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 09:47 Comments (0)  

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