Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 133 of 6133

it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.
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05-15-2010 23:01 by shoesan
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hates it when he asks someone a question and they start their answer with "Honestly?"......No! Please lie to me, that's what I was hoping for.....idiots!
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02-04-2010 15:44 by Vitamin N
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A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers
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01-27-2010 13:28
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You'll know I'm your "Secret Santa" when you dont get anything!

The only people mad at you for speaking the TRUTH are the ones living a LIE.
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12-28-2011 22:52 by Danmanz
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I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.

If Hillary really wanted a best seller, she should have included her 30,000 deleted emails.
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09-21-2017 10:01
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Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
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06-16-2016 01:57
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FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
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02-09-2015 08:08
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I received their wedding invitation on Facebook, so I sent them a gift from Farmville....figured it was appropriate.
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04-08-2016 07:01
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The voices in my head have been quite for a while. They probably broke something.
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01-30-2014 17:14 by Nipper
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My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed party, so I invited all of her friends over and made them clean the house.
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07-22-2015 10:48
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The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
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04-17-2014 08:50 by Czovczov
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I'm thinking about buying an exercise bike, my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won't accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
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04-26-2014 09:37 by Fluff!!
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If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.

Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.

The number one thing I learned on xbox live is, a lot of 12 year olds have slept with my mom.
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07-14-2011 18:12
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wonders how I can remember lyrics to a song I haven't heard since 1986. But can't, even for a million bucks; remember why I'm just standing in the middle of the kitchen
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04-23-2011 07:59
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Justin Bieber has grown a mustache. His transformation into a teenage mexican girl is now complete.
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09-17-2013 02:28 by Baddie
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Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
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12-03-2014 00:43
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