Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.
←Rate | 05-15-2010 23:01 by shoesan Comments (0)  

   messageicon hates it when he asks someone a question and they start their answer with "Honestly?"......No! Please lie to me, that's what I was hoping for.....idiots!
←Rate | 02-04-2010 15:44 by Vitamin N Comments (2)  

   messageicon A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers
←Rate | 01-27-2010 13:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You'll know I'm your "Secret Santa" when you dont get anything!
←Rate | 12-09-2010 21:13 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only people mad at you for speaking the TRUTH are the ones living a LIE.
←Rate | 12-28-2011 22:52 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
←Rate | 10-30-2011 09:13 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Hillary really wanted a best seller, she should have included her 30,000 deleted emails.
←Rate | 09-21-2017 10:01 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
←Rate | 06-16-2016 01:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
←Rate | 02-09-2015 08:08 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I received their wedding invitation on Facebook, so I sent them a gift from Farmville....figured it was appropriate.
←Rate | 04-08-2016 07:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The voices in my head have been quite for a while. They probably broke something.
←Rate | 01-30-2014 17:14 by Nipper Comments (2)  

   messageicon My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed party, so I invited all of her friends over and made them clean the house.
←Rate | 07-22-2015 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 08:50 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm thinking about buying an exercise bike, my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won't accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
←Rate | 04-26-2014 09:37 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 20:19 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon The number one thing I learned on xbox live is, a lot of 12 year olds have slept with my mom.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 18:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders how I can remember lyrics to a song I haven't heard since 1986. But can't, even for a million bucks; remember why I'm just standing in the middle of the kitchen
←Rate | 04-23-2011 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Justin Bieber has grown a mustache. His transformation into a teenage mexican girl is now complete.
←Rate | 09-17-2013 02:28 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
←Rate | 12-03-2014 00:43 Comments (0)  

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