Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon thinks that, instead of 45 secs, they should limit tonight's Oscar acceptance speeches to the same as Twitter, 140 characters!!
←Rate | 03-07-2010 12:18 by Rich Fa Comments (0)  

   messageicon put my purse on the passenger seat and the passenger seatbelt light came on. Think it's time to clean out my purse??
←Rate | 03-07-2010 17:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate | 03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon it takes me five minutes to get dressed and fifty-five minutes looking for my other shoe....
←Rate | 11-05-2010 00:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I won a trip to China now am stuck here waiting to win a trip back home
←Rate | 11-30-2010 01:59 by kibobi Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are only two people I trust in this world... One is myself, and the other one is NOT you.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 07:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
←Rate | 12-14-2010 13:10 by Sara Comments (0)  

   messageicon getting his eraser ready for two weeks of me putting 2010 on all my papers.
←Rate | 01-01-2011 18:13 Comments (21)  

   messageicon just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
←Rate | 01-20-2011 10:42 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
←Rate | 01-23-2011 09:14 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 23:36 by The Fred Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.
←Rate | 09-08-2010 15:19 by jdpower Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.
←Rate | 10-06-2010 12:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being 'clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store.
←Rate | 03-18-2014 13:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you feel like you've done nothing in life remember that some trees take 20 years to grow only to become notebooks with Justin Bieber on them.
←Rate | 04-04-2014 23:46 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's cool how Bruce Lee studied philosophy & poetry then applied it to something beautiful like punching people in the face.
←Rate | 04-23-2014 01:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:49 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon When attacked by a bear, play dead. Make his meal less stressful. It's not all about you.
←Rate | 06-27-2014 14:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am not saying you have to love me. I am just saying the duct tape will come off quicker if you do.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 01:31 Comments (0)  

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