Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 133 of 6445

Maybe, just maybe, if more teenagers got their mouths washed out with soap as a child by their parents, these idiots wouldn't be attempting a "Tide Pod Challenge" .....
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01-17-2018 11:02
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How do nudist clean their glasses?
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01-23-2018 21:24
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The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they're thinking "Why don't you just eat ALL the food?"
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01-31-2018 10:20
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Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
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02-21-2018 01:36
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All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
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02-26-2018 14:05
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Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
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03-13-2018 02:30
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Why do famous people get things for free if they’re the ones that can afford it?
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03-27-2018 09:10
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Dancing in the 70's: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
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03-24-2018 12:31
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If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
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03-27-2018 14:45
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If you millenials want to know what it was like to talk on a payphone, just lick the handle of a grocery cart.
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03-27-2018 21:11
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does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
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03-30-2018 14:52
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I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
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04-12-2018 00:28
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I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.
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11-11-2018 04:08 by Stevielea
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Wait till they realize that Frosty has no pants and smokes a pipe in front of children.
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12-11-2018 21:27
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Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.
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12-17-2018 01:49 by Joker
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Ask a meteorologist who will win the Superbowl......then go with the other team ;-)
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01-27-2019 11:03 by Jsabbage
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It's so cold Richard Simmons started wearing pants
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01-30-2019 20:31
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A fun thing to do is to call someone & say "HI THIS IS BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO YOUR VHS RENTAL OF NEW JACK CITY IS 1,382 DAYS PAST DUE"

I only buy extra virgin olive oil...Because I don't know where those other oils have been.
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05-03-2019 14:15 by JohnY
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Remember friends, You can always count on me to bring my famous recipe of "bag of ice" to your July4th cookout.
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07-02-2019 10:14
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