Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
←Rate | 12-05-2013 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 9 out of 10 Status Updates sound more official if you simply add the phrase "9 out of 10".
←Rate | 12-18-2013 08:22 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  

   messageicon What about female suicide bombers? Do they also get virgins?
←Rate | 12-24-2013 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is's like the trash took itself out.
←Rate | 02-23-2016 01:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
←Rate | 03-06-2016 14:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They should really considered remaking "Back To The Future 2" where there aren't any flying cars. And people just stare at their phones all day getting easily offended to everything they read....
←Rate | 04-02-2016 15:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a girl tells you she has a nipple ring, the only correct response is "I don't believe you."
←Rate | 05-01-2016 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got "The Look" from my dog. You know, the "What the hell you doing??? I drink out of there" look...
←Rate | 05-23-2012 21:07 by Steve OH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"
←Rate | 02-08-2012 15:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 07:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay future girlfriend, you can stop playing hide and seek now.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 09:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish this conversation had GPS because you lost me about 20 words ago.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 10:31 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gonna hit the showers. You can do whatever you want with that information.
←Rate | 01-19-2012 10:39 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh, the good old days before Facebook, when you didn't care whether anyone "liked" you or not.
←Rate | 01-26-2012 21:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who say "No, and here's why..." need to realize that we stopped listening after the "no" part.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 11:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon A successful relationship is one in which one person shuts up when the other is right.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 13:29 by petty 86 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people.
←Rate | 07-13-2013 19:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ask someone if they will watch your bike for you and dont leave. Just stand there and watch your bike with your new friend
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when the History channel use to show history stuff? -MTV
←Rate | 08-09-2013 13:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
←Rate | 09-06-2013 14:21 Comments (0)  

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