Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What will the next Democrat prez do to end poverty? Same all the rest did; nothing...
←Rate | 08-21-2016 12:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you dial somebody on a Google phone, is there an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button? That would be great for single people.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...
←Rate | 05-03-2010 19:23 by Joser Comments (1)  

   messageicon Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives...
←Rate | 05-25-2010 19:08 by rush1oc Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK, I'm not sure what button I hit on Facebook's privacy settings, but I just found Mark Zuckerberg in my home going through my photo albums
←Rate | 06-02-2010 04:23 by l33t Comments (0)  

   messageicon tired of people giving me a skewed or heart-wrenching fact, then asking me to post it as my status, THEN mysteriously having the clarvoyance to tell me what percent of people won't post it as their status. HONK if this annoys you!
←Rate | 01-25-2010 08:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
←Rate | 01-27-2010 10:06 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon always keep your words soft and sweet... just in case you have to eat them..
←Rate | 02-01-2010 16:58 by mye_ash617 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are [0/1 (52x^7/2 – 66x^5/2 + 22x^3/2) / vx) dx] kinds of people in this World...Those who understand Calculus and those Who Don't !
←Rate | 02-12-2010 12:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thinks the person who came up with the phrase "some assembly required" never tried to assemble anything!
←Rate | 03-14-2010 22:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't have bad handwriting, I have my own Font =D
←Rate | 08-28-2010 09:53 by triple m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Walk a mile in my shoes... Then walk another mile... In fact, just keep the shoes and keep walking.
←Rate | 09-08-2010 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter how old I get, I will always be overly excited when I receive a hand written letter in the mail.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
←Rate | 10-19-2010 02:22 by PL Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying very hard to be the person her doctor medicates her to be.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 15:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon what's the point in knocking when you can just text someone that you're outside their house.
←Rate | 07-29-2010 22:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Side effects may include constipation or diarrhea." So what you're saying is I may or may not give a sh*t.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon those bootyshorts really compliment your tiger stripes
←Rate | 08-23-2010 16:32 by LYZ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?"
←Rate | 12-27-2010 14:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was two faced, do you think I'd be wearing this one?
←Rate | 01-07-2011 14:31 by Michael Comments (1)  

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