Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you're talking on your cell phone in a public bathroom, I will flush the toilet over and over so your friend knows *exactly* where you are.
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon when will people understand. "i can't hear you while I'm chewing my doritos!"
←Rate | 09-18-2011 22:26 by gee Comments (0)  

   messageicon That rather unflattering moment when she yells, “give it to me now!” when you have been giving it to her to the best of your ability for the past five minutes.
←Rate | 10-09-2011 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time for some night time sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever I can't feel my lips I think I just peed the bed medicine.
←Rate | 03-12-2011 19:46 by bump Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one ever gives me a hand, but I often get a finger.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 13:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see they now have wedding dresses made completely out of toilet paper. Well, at least you'll be prepared when your marriage turns to $**t.
←Rate | 07-10-2011 17:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Red cups..helping the youth get their buzz on for over 30 years
←Rate | 08-13-2011 16:59 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I spent as many hours learning how to play guitar as I do on Facebook, I'd be a freakin' Jimi Hendrix
←Rate | 11-16-2010 19:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
←Rate | 12-01-2010 08:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that some days it would be nice to build a life size "Whack-a-Mole" game, and choose 9 lucky people to put in it!
←Rate | 11-20-2009 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes all I'm really doing with my life is just trying to make it from one weekend to the next.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 13:13 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never buy a car you can't push.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 14:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was on a plane the other day and when it landed, the pilot said, "Those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated." I don't think they had much of a choice.
←Rate | 09-19-2010 10:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things, a backwards P and an upside down 4.
←Rate | 09-20-2010 19:42 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
←Rate | 10-16-2010 22:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon could care less about the color, as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.
←Rate | 01-08-2010 09:57 by Jason Ellis Comments (0)  

   messageicon not having any fun unless he is doing something immoral, illegal, dangerous, or fattening.
←Rate | 01-13-2010 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..pays her bills with a smile. Most creditors,however,would prefer cash..
←Rate | 01-20-2010 11:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking.
←Rate | 02-15-2010 05:53 Comments (0)  

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