Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon you cant drink all day if you dont start in the morning
←Rate | 04-22-2010 20:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters
←Rate | 05-09-2010 13:58 Comments (1)  

   messageicon that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
←Rate | 05-12-2010 21:45 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's another word for word?
←Rate | 05-14-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (2)  

   messageicon I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.
←Rate | 05-14-2010 19:00 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon hates when his hand falls asleep, it usually means it's going to be up all night
←Rate | 06-15-2010 00:59 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon "No big lifestyle change for Lindsay Lohan. She'll still be hanging around the bars"
←Rate | 07-07-2010 11:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you say "beer can" with a British accent, you can say "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:01 Comments (10)  

   messageicon "The mistakes of the past don't define you... they refine you."
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:07 by @chaseswills Comments (0)  

   messageicon without a doubt the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
←Rate | 11-05-2010 20:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently it's green week. In an effort to contribute, I just created a save electricity sign: "Don't you hate it when someone turns you on, and then just leaves?"
←Rate | 11-16-2010 11:03 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wait, Miley Cyrus has been 18 for only a week, and there's already naked pictures of her? Somebody might be beating Lindsay to porn.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎7-11 is developing a new wine.. It's said to pair well with poor life choices and sadness
←Rate | 12-07-2010 21:26 by jdpower Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your New Year's resolution involves less drinking, debauchery or cursing, then it involves less of me.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just spent my Saturday watching commercials on AMC interupted by 10 minutes segments of movie..
←Rate | 01-15-2011 14:55 by timboss Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're 10 years old and have a laptop, iPod and BlackBerry. Dude when I was 10 I had pokemon cards.
←Rate | 01-26-2011 08:45 by Seddy90 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and The Biggest Loser....On TV at the same time tonight...makes me wanna eat chocolate cake then go throw it up....
←Rate | 12-01-2009 22:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon can't stop sneezing because I'm allergic to your BS....
←Rate | 01-13-2010 02:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says - just when you think all your ducks are in a row, someone comes along and shoots one of them
←Rate | 03-03-2010 01:28 Comments (0)  

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