Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
←Rate | 09-30-2011 15:56 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when people say 'You don't need alcohol to have fun.' You don't need shoes to walk on gravel, but they help.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 07:48 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon So...if Wal Mart can sell a TV for $100 the day after Thanksgiving when they're paying 500 employees to work, why can't they sell it for $90 today when there's only 8 employees in the whole store??
←Rate | 11-18-2014 20:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mark Zuckerberg got married today. His new wife set her relationship status to "CHA-CHING!!"
←Rate | 05-20-2012 22:40 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon is just me or do buffalo wings taste a lot like chicken?
←Rate | 10-23-2011 14:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So wait, if I post a letter without a stamp and just put the intended address as the return address, won't it be sent there anyway?
←Rate | 04-03-2013 01:07 by StonerDudee Comments (5)  

   messageicon Anything related to Halloween doesn't scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising
←Rate | 10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon McDonald's is planning to open a restaurant every day in China for the next four years. It's nice — When kids get their Happy Meal toy, they're like, 'Cool! I made this.'
←Rate | 08-05-2011 21:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 100 people get swine flu and everyone wears a mask... 1,000 people get aids and no one wears a condom... Makes you wonder a little...
←Rate | 03-28-2010 09:57 by @abhicoolz Comments (0)  

   messageicon The rules were already broken when I got here.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 09:52 by Griff Comments (0)  

   messageicon discovered that answering the door naked helps deter trick or treaters. Here we go again, here's 2 dressed as policemen.....
←Rate | 10-31-2011 18:50 by ryanb741 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know how anybody gets attacked by sharks...As soon as I heard that first, "Dun, Dun." I'd be out of there.
←Rate | 08-17-2011 18:52 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon I may look calm, but in my head I've punched you in the face 3 times!
←Rate | 03-23-2011 16:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember back in the day when you would make a collect call and try to yell the info to the other party before you were disconnected?
←Rate | 09-21-2011 01:35 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 12:29 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it's usually a prescription.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 13:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A liar takes forever to explain a simple answer...
←Rate | 09-23-2012 14:07 by Jackoo Comments (0)  

   messageicon How come we live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors & furniture polish is made from real lemons?
←Rate | 02-01-2011 00:41 by BEGO Comments (0)  

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