Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 130 of 5761

   messageicon Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon kiss me I'm Irish, and slip me some tongue cause I think there's a lil french in there too
←Rate | 03-17-2011 09:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people! Respect it!
←Rate | 03-23-2011 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was at school I belonged to a gang called The Secret Seven and we were sworn to secrecy. We were so good that I never found out who the other six were.
←Rate | 03-24-2011 05:18 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the government would charge a 3% stupidity tax on themselves alone, they could pay off the national debt in no time..
←Rate | 04-04-2011 11:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when another guy friend of mine is trying to be humorous, all I can think is, "That would be so much funnier if you had tits"........
←Rate | 04-09-2011 07:28 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out that being a "person of interest" is not as cool as it sounds.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 23:16 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 14:59 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you think all the way back to being sperm, we are all winners.
←Rate | 04-01-2010 11:39 by Shamus Comments (2)  


   messageicon I would take a bullet for u.. Not the head but like in the leg or something....
←Rate | 03-22-2010 13:21 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I understand you got your swag on, but could you walk a lil faster...?
←Rate | 03-07-2010 15:29 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon My best relationship advice: Make sure you're the crazy one.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 11:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanna steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase cuz I think it'll be funny watching a bunch of cops chasing a donut truck
←Rate | 08-02-2011 10:15 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school.
←Rate | 01-23-2011 11:09 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just balanced my checking account, and discovered that I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something or pay a bill.
←Rate | 02-26-2010 18:42 by bigedusw Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Speak Fluent Sarcasm....
←Rate | 03-12-2010 17:20 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know about you, but a highlight of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
←Rate | 03-29-2010 09:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I dont have an attitude you just get on my damn nerves....
←Rate | 03-09-2010 10:57 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently you have been misinformed, because the ONLY advantage you have over me is... you can "kiss my ass" and I cant...
←Rate | 08-21-2009 04:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonders why there's an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?!
←Rate | 06-22-2010 15:29 Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left