Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Of course I'll attend your no alcohol, vegetarian Halloween party tonight. I'll be dressed as the Invisible Man.
←Rate | 10-31-2013 08:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Playboy doesn't show nudes. MTV doesn't play music videos. The Learning Channel makes you dumber. What happened to the world
←Rate | 10-13-2015 08:59 by JC Comments (0)  

   messageicon You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.
←Rate | 01-22-2015 09:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone's gynecologist uses the term 'battle damage,' right?
←Rate | 06-18-2012 15:06 by Linda Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to be a gangster: Step1- Buy XXL shirts and pants. Step2- Put them on. Step3- Waddle like a penguin.
←Rate | 02-06-2012 10:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman's voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it's working.
←Rate | 05-12-2013 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon We have rappers who used to be pimps and gangsters telling us not to download music because it's stealing..
←Rate | 09-25-2012 17:36 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
←Rate | 01-21-2013 13:46 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think the National Weather Service is a front for the National Grocery Association
←Rate | 02-08-2013 10:13 by Keith Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't care how old I am. If I lose my mother in a super market I'm going to panic.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 04:57 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary is now on reason #549 why she lost the election.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is amazing how many people have bad reactions to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
←Rate | 12-30-2016 06:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly 1918 Spanish flu virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but this is how pandemics start.
←Rate | 06-13-2014 15:04 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon My first mistake was thinking she couldn't hit a moving target.
←Rate | 07-07-2014 14:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long do I need to be in therapy before I forget the time in gym class when I was hit in the stomach with a dodge ball and farted?
←Rate | 09-03-2014 10:29 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't think I won't eat this pudding cup just because I don't have a spoon. It's about to be the best 15 min. of this pudding cups life.
←Rate | 10-05-2014 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The biggest difference between mistletoe and camel toe is the length of the kiss.
←Rate | 01-12-2014 13:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't understand why people have to say hurtful things. Like "let's go to the gym" or " try this kale"
←Rate | 05-21-2016 13:25 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
←Rate | 08-05-2015 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This just in...Blown up COLLAGEN injected lips are NOT sexy. People notice but not in a good way. We actually snicker and mock you. Thank you that is all.
←Rate | 11-11-2010 11:35 Comments (0)  

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