Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 130 of 5798

   messageicon I can't wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:30 by fazmanaz Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're reading this while camping out in front of Walmart. You're a douche bag.
←Rate | 11-21-2012 15:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon too much TV this morning and now I can't decide whether I want to rescue a dog for $19 a month or save a child for $15 a month...WTF
←Rate | 01-15-2012 16:48 by bradley Comments (0)  

   messageicon Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat." muhahahahaaa.,
←Rate | 04-18-2012 13:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bad: Waking up and finding a pen!s drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced.
←Rate | 02-04-2012 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friend request > Poke > Message > Phone Number > Text > Meet > Bang
←Rate | 02-22-2012 23:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Suicide Bomber Training: "Pay attention because I'm only going to show you this once..."
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:55 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Does size matter?" "Yes I told you 2 inches makes a huge difference. Now just buy the damn laptop dad, this conversation is creeping me out".
←Rate | 11-10-2010 06:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail...
←Rate | 08-31-2010 21:49 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 21:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I credit Tetris for the speed and agility I display when loading the dishwasher
←Rate | 09-17-2010 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today, I was told I was being too patronising which means I was treating them like they were stupid.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 16:03 by bigedusw Comments (1)  

   messageicon The problem with being young is sometimes we don't stop to think, the problem with getter older is sometimes we forget what we were thinking about.
←Rate | 03-08-2010 16:49 by bigedusw Comments (0)  

   messageicon it takes 42 muscles to frown, But it only takes 4 muscles to extend ur arm out and smack'em in the head...
←Rate | 03-17-2010 12:45 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just coughed and sneezed at the same time, I think I traveled 3 seconds into the future.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)  

   messageicon I can't recall one time in my entire life that I've answered a phone call from a "restricted" number and then said, "Wow, I'm glad I answered that"
←Rate | 12-27-2010 22:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always mean what I say, but I don't always mean to say it out loud..
←Rate | 01-11-2011 16:44 by scottyp Comments (0)  

   messageicon The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public :-)
←Rate | 04-19-2010 14:55 by Sumeet Chandok- Facebook Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 10:13 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 01:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  

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