Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 130 of 5657

   messageicon Not sure what the big deal is with Danica Patrick. Like we have never seen a woman on the pole before.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pig: (noun) 1. Animal used for converting plants into bacon.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 19:50 by Blue Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part about working directly with the public is that you become fluent in moron.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you're an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
←Rate | 07-06-2013 14:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I ever get mugged, I hope the thief is kind enough to let me Instagram how scared I look.
←Rate | 08-19-2013 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The media is a weapon of mass destruction....
←Rate | 09-03-2013 15:49 by sully Comments (0)  

   messageicon The final Twilight movie and Lincoln both opened the same weekend. One is about a shameful, dark chapter in our history we hope never will be repeated. The other is about a president.
←Rate | 11-26-2012 21:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss the old time movie stars. You know, the ones that wore clothes and had talent?
←Rate | 12-21-2016 09:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The election has been over nearly 2 weeks and this krap is still going on. Get back to the funny!
←Rate | 11-21-2016 07:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
←Rate | 05-06-2017 13:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeti has a beer coozie that will keep a beer cold for over an hour. I don't think they understand how beer drinking works.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's Official: Both Hillary and Donald are now more unpopular than wearing Crocs with socks.
←Rate | 07-09-2016 05:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What will the next Democrat prez do to end poverty? Same all the rest did; nothing...
←Rate | 08-21-2016 12:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:21 by inezt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 15:57 by Hannibal Comments (0)  

   messageicon "hi, you are through to the incontinence hotline..........can you hold please?"
←Rate | 11-03-2010 18:11 by lionel Cox Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever look at your friend's photos and think, "If you only knew what I did with her before she started seeing you."
←Rate | 11-10-2010 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if at first you don't succeed, maybe you just suck!!!
←Rate | 11-12-2010 14:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying very hard to be the person her doctor medicates her to be.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 15:53 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left