Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I’m “imma keep this box cuz it looks like a good box” years old.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Take the guesswork out of romance by dying alone.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not asking questions for that friend anymore. Too embarrassing.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 15:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Service so bad the waitress owes you money
←Rate | 08-23-2018 14:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The chick at this circus just swallowed a sword and I saw a guy elbow his woman like “see?...”
←Rate | 08-23-2018 14:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it ok to taser other people's screaming kids in the supermarket? Asking for me
←Rate | 08-23-2018 14:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies: There is a new dating service that’s packed full of the most handsome and trustworthy men. The best part is its FREE! No need to pay or sign up for a membership to access the friend zone where you left them.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 11:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder of the #MeToo movement folks realize that most people born before 1995 see the "#" sign as the "pound"
←Rate | 08-23-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You far-rights and far-lefts are really screwed up people. Thank God I'm in the middle.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 10:51 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on
←Rate | 08-23-2018 09:35 by raman911 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday, accompanied my wife to the Louis Vuitton showroom and was shocked to find that..My salary was printed on a shoe !!
←Rate | 08-23-2018 03:07 by raman911 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In these days of technological advancement, it’s advisable to record all arguments with a woman so you can at a later date prove who said what. Women are very good at denying what they said.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 00:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alexa, play back the last 45 minutes of this argument so we can prove who said what.
←Rate | 08-23-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rule #1 in marriage. If she not happy you won't be happy.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now if you will excuse me, today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 18:42 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you date both men & women and still can't get into a relationship are you technically bi-yourself?
←Rate | 08-22-2018 17:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon children today have no idea what a game-changer smart phones and internet are. When I was a kid it was almost impossible to find nude photos of the First Lady.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 13:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My life is like when you're holding your laundry and a sock falls and you go to pick it up and two more fall and eventually everything is on the floor.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 09:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Prostitute new to the game was told by her pimp “No sex for the first 7 days..just wanks!” She asked.. “Why only wanks?”..her pimp said.. “Union rules! gotta work a week in hand!”
←Rate | 08-22-2018 08:28 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone asked me why I hold so much anger in my heart. I said it's because I am running out of places to keep it.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 07:21 Comments (0)  

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