Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon : [zoo] cop: what happened here? boss: they attacked when he tried to inflate one of them me inside enclosure: [with final breath] babloon
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dad is a superhero. But without a costume because costumes are expensive and do you think he’s made of money?
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Great Halloween costume idea for couples: Go in a tandem Titanic costume, then get into a big fight halfway thru the night and break up
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lou Dobbs, where is Whakhulaaaah Mexico?
←Rate | 11-01-2018 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the world that tramp lives in any wheres near the land of OZ?
←Rate | 11-01-2018 03:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It should be a Thanksgiving tradition that one of the football games be the Patriots vs the Redskins.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 00:35 by Ha.ha Comments (2)  

   messageicon I finally finished my 2017 Thanksgiving leftovers. And in 22 days, it starts all over again.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 00:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their Halloween candy.
←Rate | 10-31-2018 19:11 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I had to quit drinking caffeine on DOCTOR'S orders and Alcohol on COURT orders.
←Rate | 10-31-2018 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Red sox clinch world series. L.A. Dodgers won't have to go to white house. So who's the real winner?
←Rate | 10-30-2018 22:50 by Haha Comments (5)  

   messageicon Everyone knows that one "special" person who's so well rounded they're pointless"
←Rate | 10-30-2018 22:12 by Jacob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to be an endangered species this year for Halloween.... An english speaking troubleshooting operator .
←Rate | 10-30-2018 22:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I see 1 more person texting and driving,I'm rolling down my window and throwing my bong at them..
←Rate | 10-30-2018 16:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm surprised the weather channel hasn't started naming the caravans......
←Rate | 10-30-2018 16:29 by DavidM Comments (0)  

   messageicon With all the Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas iteam for sale at the sametime in the stores they should call it Hallogivemas sale.
←Rate | 10-30-2018 00:33 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Roses are red, facebook is blue no mutual friends, who the hell are you?
←Rate | 10-29-2018 22:48 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you're relationship is in trouble when you realize you care more about your dog than your significant other.
←Rate | 10-29-2018 22:40 by Jacob Comments (0)  

   messageicon Halloween isn't the only day people have trouble desiding what to be.
←Rate | 10-29-2018 21:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids, here's how to get double candy on Halloween. Put on your costume. Then cover it with a sheet. Go to door the first time as ghost. Take sheet off go back again with other costume. Bam double candy. Happy Halloween.
←Rate | 10-29-2018 16:25 by Haha Comments (0)  

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