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Well, hello there Last Straw. I've been expecting you.
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03-19-2018 14:53
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The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I'm protected against heartworms and fleas.
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03-19-2018 16:48 by
gremlinsd
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I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
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03-20-2018 08:23
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This Frito-Lay truck has a sign on back saying DRIVER CARRIES NO CASH and joke's on them. I am not interested in cash.
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03-24-2018 11:59
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The larger the implants, the more likely women get confused by a push/pull door
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04-03-2018 05:56
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So Ronda Rousey finally fulfilled her dream of being an actress on WWE. Congratulations.
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04-09-2018 04:54
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I just saved a ton of money not spent at Disneyworld by making my kids stand in line in the backyard for 3 hours and then taking them to the bathroom.
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04-09-2018 12:01
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If your post only says "I can't even" then I'm assuming the rest of it was meant to say "finish a complete sentence!"
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04-11-2018 13:09
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wife [with me in a headlock] Stop saying “Dilly dilly”
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04-12-2018 13:23
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Zuckerberg - the only time this year we've seen somebody apologise, and it wasn't for sexual harrasment!
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04-13-2018 14:51
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Guestroom Ceiling Fan Levels: 1) barely moving 2) maybe faster 3) God spake unto Job from the whirlwind
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07-20-2020 08:35
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“Where did that mole come from?” I worriedly ask right before a chocolate chip dislodges from my chest hair
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07-20-2020 08:37
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I’ve been trying to leave Rome for weeks but all their roads have this weird design flaw.
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08-07-2020 09:02
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I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day.
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08-10-2020 08:12
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“Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” would be a better show if the only contestants were billionaires.
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08-24-2020 14:28
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Gonna create a dating app for dentists called Cavity Search
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08-27-2020 08:57
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My entire work day has just been me moving the mouse so the screen doesn’t go to sleep.
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08-27-2020 08:59
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Don't come to me for advice. We'll just end up at the liquor store...
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09-10-2020 12:20 by
Gabe
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I got so many steps at IKEA that my smart watch messaged me to ask if it had been stolen
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09-16-2020 08:12
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Pesto could be magical if only it had an R in it
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09-25-2020 08:09
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