Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm shocked Barry Manilow announced he's gay. I thought he was dead.

   Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!

   This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.

   Bought some unsalted almonds by accident today. Turns out, I like salt, not almonds.

   Maybe fewer big booty ho's at next years Grammy's??

   My Pride flag is up all year around, it's red, white, and blue. Merica' 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

   Mexican words of the day: Bishop and Lysol. “Would you please shut this Kamala Bishop, she Lysol the time.

   To those who truly believes that the burger police will come for you on the forth of july, please don't procreate.

   Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?

   It's finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.

   The most expensive special election in Georgia history is over. The Republicans are laughing their Ossoff.

   Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.

   Global Warming is a fictional manufactured crisis and a total scam.

   The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won't need to adjust her driving.

   Stress makes you very tired, but it`s stressful to avoid stress, so you end up stressed out anyway,

   Last year I joined a group for antisocial people. We haven't had a meeting yet.

   Next time you find yourself complaining on your $600 smartphone, put it down and rethink your life.

   The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until you think the guy making out with twenty different women would make a good husband?"

   Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.

   The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.