Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 122 of 6133

If you ever find a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich at my house call the police.
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11-18-2019 08:41
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I can tell if someone is judgmental just by looking at them
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11-23-2019 21:39 by Rickster
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Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
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12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy
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My New Year's resolution for 2002 is to make fewer typographical errors.
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01-02-2020 06:51
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This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.
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01-11-2020 19:06 by Starman
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-first day at NASA- colleagues: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 me: do you guys do this in every elevator
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01-13-2020 06:19
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Can’t, I’m still folding up this CVS receipt.
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01-13-2020 06:20
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People who pretend they don't know me when they see me in public are the real heroes
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01-13-2020 10:32
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All I did from 1984-1990 was try to shoot the laughing dog in Duck Hunt
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01-14-2020 10:45
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It's been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress. I'm going there in person tomorrow to see what's really going on.
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01-16-2020 11:35
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I'm 39 and I still don't know where to look when the dentist is working on my teeth.
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01-19-2020 08:23
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Rise and shine! Make the most of your day! And smile your way through your day!.... just reading the back of the Kellogg's Raisin Bran box.
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01-20-2020 09:16
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Would a mime fart be silent but deadly?
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01-23-2020 06:59
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90 percent of being married is shouting, "WHAT" from other rooms.
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01-30-2020 06:51
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I’m at the point in my marriage where I can’t tell if my wife is reaching towards my face to caress it or to remove crumbs from the side of my mouth.
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02-04-2020 10:48
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Whenever my boss calls me into her office my entire Facebook career flashes before my eyes.
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02-06-2020 12:30
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Brooms are standing and strippers are falling. What's this world coming to
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02-11-2020 18:55
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Thanks, but I think I'll pass on clicking on your link that scans all my personal facebook information into some unknown database to tell me what color my aura is.
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02-13-2020 16:23
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There are 3 certainties in life -death -taxes -anxiety anytime someone asks me what I’ve been up to
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02-18-2020 06:24
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Flip phones are coming back into style which means I'll finally look cool using my old one that's more streamlined and cost $1,400 less.
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02-19-2020 10:32
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