Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

   WARNING: If you get an email or Facebook message titled "Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi," DO NOT OPEN IT! ...It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.

   Time for Joe to resign in disgrace.

   doesn't make mistakes, she dates them

   Snow on da ground.... Snow on da ground... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground....look at ya now... car spinning 'round.... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground...

   Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?

   So, the woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants, lost custody. Sources close to the little girl say she wasn't surprised by the news. Or maybe she was. It's hard to tell.

   Thinking about free healthcare and how much it's going to cost me?

   dated a blind girl once. Her name was ::. :.. .:. ::: :.

   While thinking of revenge two sayings came to mind: " revenge is a dish best served cold" and "revenge is sweet". I came to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

   thinks Donald Trump needs to produce a birth certificate for that thing living on his head.

   hates when people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

   The worst part about banging a chinese women is half hour later you want to bang another ..

   Today I watched a bee land on my arm. I let it sting me while I just stared at it and said, "Is it in yet?" just to make it feel insecure.

   How can the largest group seeking tolerance be the most intolerant.............?

   You know you are in the ‘hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”

   I can't believe so many "singles in your area are dying to meet" me. It's probably all of the I-pads I've won.

   Always pick the girl smoking ultra-light cigarettes... it means she's used to sucking a little harder to get what she wants.

   Banana peel. Coffee grains. Pizza crust. Beer bottles. Empty cans. Paper plates. Bill envelopes. Don't mind me everyone. I'm just talking trash...

   You looked good until your 30 day trial of Adobe Photoshop expired