Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 116 of 6369
If a man calls you a doll, it doesn't always mean a barbie. Could be a Chucky.
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04-05-2020 16:17 by McC-M
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Well well well…if it isn’t the clothes I left in dryer last Sunday.
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04-14-2020 09:13
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If you happen to be hanging out with Julio down by the schoolyard, steer clear of Rosie. She's the Queen of Corona.
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04-17-2020 14:47
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Has anyone checked the math on the Mayan calendar to see if it was off by about 8 years?
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04-19-2020 08:25
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Looks at today’s news…. hears Benny Hill theme.
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06-01-2020 12:32
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My stomach is upset but my kidneys are just disappointed
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06-05-2020 08:29
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The date was going splendidly until my mom called and we argued over my curfew in front of her.
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06-05-2020 11:16
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My life hasn't been the same since McDonald's removed the HI-C orange drink from their stores!!
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06-06-2020 20:20 by Corey
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What idiot called them anti-anxiety meds instead of relaxatives?
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06-09-2020 08:13
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“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”
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06-11-2020 08:19
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The hippopotamus can run faster than humans on land and can swim faster than humans in water. This means that the only way you can beat a hippopotamus in a triathlon is on a bicycle.
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06-17-2020 15:30
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I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.
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07-14-2020 09:49
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Based on the amount of laundry I do, I'm pretty sure there are people living here that I haven't met yet...
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08-17-2020 08:24 by Gabe
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Three more pension checks and I’ll have my student loan paid off.
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09-02-2020 10:30
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A good Scotch should taste like how a haunted 17th century wardrobe smells.
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09-16-2020 08:12
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I’m the guy in charge of making the room smell nasty in the Glade commercials.
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09-16-2020 08:15
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If it could be arranged, I would like to die by being waterboarded by a soft serve ice cream machine.
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09-16-2020 08:30
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The world has indeed changed, I saw two guys put masks on to take a bag of money into a bank.
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09-22-2020 21:02
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A pasta maker is just a Play-doh toy for adults.
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09-28-2020 09:35
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We haven’t seen the full damage this epidemic will cause, that will happen in about five to seven months with all of the gender reveal parties.
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09-30-2020 15:48
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