Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 11 of 5955

   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some recipes are like science fiction. I read to the end and think "Well, that's not going to happen."
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If one despises losers, and one is a loser. Does that loser despise them self ?
←Rate | 11-12-2018 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aggravation: Trying to get a vending machine to take a wrinkled dollar bill.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 22:24 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?
←Rate | 11-11-2018 20:21 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 04:08 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fellas; Someone you are unable to hang out with when you are broke is not your girlfriend. That’s a prostitute.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 03:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Waiter, how do you prepare your lobsters?" "Nothing special, we pretty much just tell them straight up that they are going to die."
←Rate | 11-10-2018 21:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So after winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV. Apparently, this is unacceptable in bowling.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 18:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came, then your probably a alcoholic.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 17:47 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Waiter: What would you like? Me: I’ll have the Double Deep Fried McMeme Supreme with extra spicy cream.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 14:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've always wanted to lay naked on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace. Unfortunately, Cracker Barrel has a policy against this.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 10:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Was the rainbow that appeared over capitol building a sign of approval from above that the dem won the control of the house.
←Rate | 11-09-2018 20:07 Comments (1)  

   messageicon This economy has made me so poor, when I heard of the last supper, I thought I was running out of food stamps.
←Rate | 11-09-2018 16:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite part about switching back to standard time is getting to relive the last hour of my life. A real live 'do-over'
←Rate | 11-09-2018 12:09 by Frank Comments (0)  

   messageicon If change is good, exact change is even better.
←Rate | 11-09-2018 11:30 by Frank Comments (0)  

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