Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
←Rate | 07-01-2018 22:45 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon Magic Johnson wasted the world's best porn name on a basketball career
←Rate | 07-30-2018 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 01:11 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
←Rate | 10-18-2018 11:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can’t tell but I’m mad
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Use Shazam in your Uber to blow your drivers mind with your knowledge of their obscure immigrant music.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 13:09 by AkeelyMac Comments (0)  


   messageicon We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
←Rate | 12-09-2017 23:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let's just keep it in the carton, ok?
←Rate | 01-02-2018 19:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we aren't supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
←Rate | 01-02-2018 20:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe California hasn't figured out that all they have to do is ban wildfires
←Rate | 08-11-2018 03:33 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WOW! I can't believe the Guard who was guarding Jeffery Epstein was killed in an automobile accident - Tomorrow or Monday!
←Rate | 08-11-2019 16:00 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas
←Rate | 12-21-2018 09:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thx for thinking of me Amazon, but I really only needed that one washing machine part, not one every time I log in...
←Rate | 05-21-2019 16:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grandpa: In my day we worked three times as hard. Me: In your day soda contained cocaine.
←Rate | 06-01-2019 19:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest problem with eating healthy is that I don’t wanna do that.
←Rate | 06-04-2019 09:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon This morning My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
←Rate | 06-11-2019 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, selfies used to be called narcissism.
←Rate | 06-17-2019 11:06 by Moon Comments (0)  




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