love Funny Status Messages

   The best Safeword you can use is "Meatloaf." It means "I would do anything for love but I won't do that."

   My 10 yr old was hugging the cat, & whispering to him "I love you so much that you're the 2nd most loved thing in my life." Aww, I thought, she's still mama's little girl. Then she finished her whisper with "But spaghetti is my favorite thing."

   My favorite way to ruin a romantic evening is by coming out of the bathroom naked and singing Love Boat until the waiter asks us to leave.

   Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan. Me: *makes another plate of nachos*

   Me: Magic 8-Ball, will I ever find true love? Cantaloupe: Maybe if you lay off the drugs.

   We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and facebook friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. Orson Welles

   Hi everyone, welcome to ventriloquist club! The first rule here is do not talk about ventriloquist club…with your lips moving. Haha, just a little joke to get us started. Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.

   Ladies, do you like the strong, silent type? Then you'll love my farts.

   Dont try to change to please someone else. Love yourself, honor yourself, respect yourself, and be your own person, and someone will love you just they way you are!.....Unless of course your just a narcissistic jerk. Then by all.means, change!

   If anyone sees that woman drying her bra by holding it out of the car window please tell her I love her

   I love you, #GreenShirtGuy. I'm cracking up with you.

   I don't know about you, but I love paying $1,600 on an iPhone. Thank you, who ever is in charge.

   Coming out can be hard as people don't understand our way of life and can be very close minded, but I feel in this day and age I can no longer be afraid to say I love Disco!

   My wife thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me.

   Ex: I still love you. Me: “I’m gonna call you back, my damn fish is drowning”

   I love the poorly educated. Laughter would be scarce without them.

   If you want to repeal something, please for the love of God don't replace it with nothing!

   Love that feature facebook has that saves so much time scrolling the news feed you can find by going to settings then scrolling down the menu to the last botton on the bottom called log out.

   You know you love your wife if you've ever written a hush money check to a porn star on Valentine's day.

   It's hard to be a straight guy these days. I'm all for equal pay and treatment for women but I also love titties...