Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up
←Rate | 07-21-2018 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone works with a bunch of a$$holes all day. Can they add proctologist to their resume?
←Rate | 08-15-2018 20:10 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 07:21 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon The I before E except after C rule has been disproven by science.
←Rate | 09-14-2018 18:31 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!
←Rate | 10-10-2018 14:48 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.
←Rate | 10-27-2018 19:43 by Bindi Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no such thing as a stupid question except maybe "Isn't about time you IRS guys audited my return?"
←Rate | 11-06-2018 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked, but that’s rare.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dating history is like Halloween. People pretending to be someone they're not come looking for handouts, then move on to someone else.
←Rate | 10-16-2019 14:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at the Halloween stores.
←Rate | 10-11-2019 13:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve never met an air conditioned room I did not like.
←Rate | 10-09-2019 16:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looks like I picked the wrong week to adult.
←Rate | 11-16-2018 10:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon NASCAR would be more fun to watch if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
←Rate | 11-17-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?
←Rate | 12-14-2018 13:31 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here... -me opening the dryer
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Getting home from fishing trip] MOM: Catch anything? ME: No, but a bear did MOM: Where’s your father?
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
←Rate | 09-05-2019 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am worn out today.....My wife had me try three new positions in the bedroom last night. But she ended up wanting the dresser back where it was.
←Rate | 09-06-2019 12:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had this crazy nightmare where I actually enjoyed my job. Thank God I woke up before my boss walked in.
←Rate | 09-16-2019 20:49 Comments (0)  




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