Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating

Search Messages:
Page: 10 of 6368

   messageicon The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
←Rate | 07-22-2022 13:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I find myself in times of trouble, Julie Andrews comes to me, singing words of wisdom, do re mi.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you’re about to spend half a grand shopping online, but then you notice that $15.00 shipping charge…. Not Today!
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!
←Rate | 01-06-2023 00:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love to shop, but I’ll never buy your bull.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “You’re a lucky man” is a nice way of telling a guy you would bang his woman.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don’t have to drop to your knees every time you eat a hotdog.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Laying in bed at 3am and thinking that you should’ve said something different in that argument that you had in 2011.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I could really go for a pinata right about now. I’d love to beat the crap out of something and then have some candy.
←Rate | 07-04-2022 02:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
←Rate | 05-21-2022 03:35 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left