Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.
←Rate | 11-27-2017 04:50 Comments (3)  


   messageicon You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
←Rate | 12-16-2017 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon English teachers on Facebook must feel the same hopelessness as dentists do when they're at a candy shop
←Rate | 12-09-2017 04:28 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It’s so cold, I saw chickens lined up outside KFC waiting their turn in the deep fryer.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 05:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 05:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:43 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beginning to question my plans to go yachting with Robert Wagner this weekend.
←Rate | 02-11-2018 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone know how Pink's parents are named? I am assuming Red and White.
←Rate | 03-06-2018 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
←Rate | 04-29-2018 05:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 18:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Why is it that people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?
←Rate | 09-27-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
←Rate | 12-08-2017 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to a 7 yr old silently standing in the bed over me at 5AM
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that the government has re-opened I guess I have to stop removing these mattress tags
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:07 by markf Comments (0)  




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