jitney Funny Status Messages

   Dear Customer Service: When are all of your representatives NOT assisting other callers?

   IN OTHER NEWS: A picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone next to each other in the hospital bed, side by side for shoulder surgeries, was taken this week. Can you imagine listening and trying to understand that conversation?

   What doesnt kill you......seriously disappoints me!

   If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world

   Tips on How to fall down the stairs.....Step 1, then Step 2... Step 5 Step 9 Step 12 Finally the Floor

   Why must I prove I'm me, if I'm callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!

   the only bad thing about having a great status comment....you dont get the credit...lol but you get the likes.

   Women dont say sorry, when a guy is right they say.... "Whatever!"

   The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.

   FACT: Some people will steal your stuff and then help you look for it.

   Ok, screw it...I'm just gonna wait for the iPad 10 to come out. You know the clear one, has solar power, you can go deep sea-diving with it, and not to mention... using it as a bullet proof chest plate!

   Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!

   I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds

   Kayne West....made a song about Gold Diggers and now wants to marry Kim kardashian

   BREAKING NEWS: The Last person just finished voting in Florida....

   I tried cooking with wine tonight, after five glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen

   I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took them off. "Take off my shoes" I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties!" I took all them off. Then she looks at me n said, "I dont want to catch you wearin my things ever again!"

   We can bailout Big Banks, but we can save an American Iconic Twinkie factory from going out of business??? Priorities People!!!!

   Need to stop drinking this....its like 50 million Beyonces on the stage all of a sudden......

   Being single sucks.....especially when all 3 of your roommates date moaners...