father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon my great great grandfather: I cleared 40 acres by hand and grew food to feed people. My father: I fought WWII and ended the horror. Me: I think $9.99/month might be too much for Spotify.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 21:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, & actually came back home.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 01:17 by @Seddy90 Comments (0)  

   messageicon so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!
←Rate | 06-20-2010 15:40 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Really!!! Kim Kardashian is upset with the Casey Anthony verdict!!! Your father defended OJ Simpson, Thus starting the Kardashian tradition of getting black men off!!!
←Rate | 07-07-2011 09:40 by migasjoe Comments (1)  

   messageicon Breakfast was going well until that creepy new Tiger Woods commercial with his late father's voice came on... now I'm just playing with my oatmeal.
←Rate | 04-08-2010 17:21 by Shamus Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."
←Rate | 05-26-2011 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
←Rate | 12-14-2010 13:10 by Sara Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never date a girl whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are.. she believes it
←Rate | 08-05-2011 20:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon you're only real job as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole
←Rate | 11-11-2010 10:15 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 03-24-2010 22:37 by Samir Momin Comments (2)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day Dad! Whoever you are...
←Rate | 06-19-2011 12:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon The way I feel when a waiter finally brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maury: "Darth Vader, you.... ARE the father." Luke: "Nooooo!"
←Rate | 09-25-2010 14:39 by Russell Bilaknockified Comments (0)  

   messageicon With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.
←Rate | 05-11-2015 17:45 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"
←Rate | 03-13-2013 14:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Had Maury Povich been in Star Wars, we would have known who the father was a lot sooner
←Rate | 04-12-2011 22:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Condom Ad: if you are not 100% satisfied with our product, Happy Father's Day!!
←Rate | 10-25-2010 13:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??
←Rate | 09-17-2014 10:45 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 17:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  

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