Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When your phone dies and you realize you're jealous

   I'm very angry because I wasn't wearing my glasses at the store and I bought curry powder instead of the saffron I needed. I'll make use of it; I'm just mad about saffron.

   Likes his own stuff and not funny

   I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive.

   Those who dismiss progressive rock as being pretentious are most likely part of the crowd that only knows 3 chords.

   Bugs Bunny won't accept files through Google Drive. He'll only accept a WhatsApp doc.

   There are people who think the moon landings were staged, the holocaust never happened and the earth is flat. Yet they hang on every word on the message found inside a fortune cookie.

   Somethings in life I’ll never understand, like how there could be a group on Facebook called Facebookers Anonymous, thats like walking into an open bar where their holding an AA meeting.

   While you're cheering for your favorite NFL team in a publicly funded stadium, how about publicly funding some disadvantaged child's school lunch?

   Whatever you got to do today, do it with the confidence of a 4yr old in a Batman cape.