Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When my wife is angry with me, she'll not only stops talking to me, she'll also send me blank tex messages.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 01:22 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Fun fact Smokey the bear's original name was Hotfoot Teddy.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 23:00 by Fun.Fact Comments (0)  

   messageicon In a world where you can do anything, do it over there.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you use the self-service checkout lanes at Wal-mart, you should get a discount like you do when you buy self-service gasoline.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some recipes are like science fiction. I read to the end and think "Well, that's not going to happen."
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If one despises losers, and one is a loser. Does that loser despise them self ?
←Rate | 11-12-2018 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aggravation: Trying to get a vending machine to take a wrinkled dollar bill.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 22:24 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?
←Rate | 11-11-2018 20:21 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon We can make more customers for your business without ripping your pocket Contact me for more details. jane
←Rate | 11-11-2018 18:24 by janeshofs Comments (0)  

   messageicon Disappointment is coming home to the smell of fresh bake cookies and finding out it's just a scented candel.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 05:21 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've just bought the personalized number plate baa baa. For my black jeep.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 04:08 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fellas; Someone you are unable to hang out with when you are broke is not your girlfriend. That’s a prostitute.
←Rate | 11-11-2018 03:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call an ugly fat woman with a rape whistle? ...... Optimistic.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:29 by Ha.ha Comments (1)  

   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Waiter, how do you prepare your lobsters?" "Nothing special, we pretty much just tell them straight up that they are going to die."
←Rate | 11-10-2018 21:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So after winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV. Apparently, this is unacceptable in bowling.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 18:57 Comments (0)  


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