Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I drank a six pack of Chinese beer earlier, the room smells like fireworks.
←Rate | 02-17-2019 22:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got done knockin boots! Alright fine, I just used a broom to brush the snow off of my sandals...
←Rate | 02-17-2019 17:22 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so classy, I'll pose for porn with my tits baring out, beside another nude female.
←Rate | 02-17-2019 16:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump just declared himself a national emergency!
←Rate | 02-17-2019 15:41 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dance like no one's watching! Just be careful of the creepy guy in the corner with the video camera who hasn't moved all night who wants the make you famous on YouTube.
←Rate | 02-17-2019 15:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a corndog is NOT a meat's a pancake d*ck!
←Rate | 02-17-2019 12:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to go big AND go home.
←Rate | 02-17-2019 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is like a box of chocolates you never know which one you going to get, if you can't follow directions and just look at the little chart on the back of the box.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 23:53 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old that my family tree starts with me.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 23:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK. What genius decided to call it a Corn Dog and not a Meat Twinkie?
←Rate | 02-16-2019 18:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 18:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes, I'm a chick magnet. The problem is, I'm the side that repels. FML.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 17:57 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you have time to golf during a national emergency, I guess you must be doing something right.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 12:01 Comments (13)  

   messageicon The best sign of a intimate relationship are no pictures of it on Facebook.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 11:30 by Moon Comments (1)  

   messageicon I've just declared a national emergency! Now for some golf in Florida!
←Rate | 02-16-2019 05:27 by Truman Comments (12)  

   messageicon Can you get fired for wearing leather pants to work?
←Rate | 02-16-2019 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just gave a huge pile of laundry the finger while I walked past it
←Rate | 02-16-2019 01:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Want to meet eligible singles in your area? Then mill around the Valentine candy clearance aisle.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 23:31 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kentucky man catches 20lb goldfish. Bet that willbe hard to flush down the toilet.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 22:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This move by Trump is a sliding slope of abuse of powers. Next week he is gonna declare a national emergency if the White House is low on diet coke.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 15:46 Comments (11)  


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