life Funny Status Messages

   Life is like peeing up a drain pipe, it all comes back to you.

   Here's how I define marriage: Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   I can handle most things in life. But hearing someone chew their food is not one of them.

   Somethings in life I’ll never understand, like how there could be a group on Facebook called Facebookers Anonymous, thats like walking into an open bar where their holding an AA meeting.

   I am positive that there isn't life on any other planets ! If there was Trudeau would have sent them money

   To all you folks out there that have no life and need this Eclipse to fulfill that void in your life? I heard if you moon the eclipse, you will become a smart ass like me and will become significant and with purpose!!

   Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointing away from earth?

   "I've made a lot mistakes in my life, but just know you were never one of them" -ME (looking at my triple bacon cheeseburger...extra bacon).

   I don't get how people afford life without a job??? I can't even afford it with a job.

   Ten years ago I didn't forward that text to 10 people in 10 minutes. That's why my life sucks now.