Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "You're never too old to learn something stupid."
←Rate | 08-18-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
←Rate | 08-18-2018 06:05 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend says I spend far too much time on foreplay! I'd better pull my finger out!
←Rate | 08-18-2018 04:26 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are c0nservatives threatening the jurors of the Manafort trial? Do you people hate America that much?
←Rate | 08-18-2018 03:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bomb that killed 40 children in Yemen was supplied by the US. Gee, thanks Trump!
←Rate | 08-18-2018 03:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone knows how much any other parades cost?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 18:29 by BigRedBubbaJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon A porta potty is a pretty safe place to fart
←Rate | 08-17-2018 16:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scary movie called the Nun is coming out. Nun of the movie is scarier than the previous movie The Priest
←Rate | 08-17-2018 14:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Funny how Chicago wanted Trump free zone now they are calling for his help.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 14:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well that status message must not have been very funny as we can no longer locate it in the database.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just found out that Ribbed Condoms DO NOT taste like ribs!!
←Rate | 08-17-2018 13:56 by CB Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never hear anything about the women from Nantucket. I wonder what they are like...
←Rate | 08-17-2018 13:38 by JohnY Comments (1)  

   messageicon I love getting lectured about patriotism and morality by a draft dodging bigot who conspires with our enemies, obstructs justice, lies constantly and pays hush money to porn stars. Don't you?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 11:58 Comments (3)  

   messageicon If you have a problem with me, call me and we'll talk about it. If you don't have my number then you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 11:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I answered that ad and asked for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over. FML.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 10:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With the ban on straws what's left to grasp?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 10:04 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Why is it called mooning when you're actually showing uranus?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 01:41 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The police department should replace their sirens with the national athem.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 01:18 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fox news: oops, "well after all they all do look a like."
←Rate | 08-17-2018 00:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon " Thanks to the white house staff. I now know what cause my Meorex stock to go up."
←Rate | 08-16-2018 23:09 Comments (0)  


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