Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
←Rate | 11-24-2017 22:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon R.I.P. David Cassidy 4/12/50- 11/21/17
←Rate | 11-24-2017 20:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I called the Butterball hotline to get some advice on dealing with the inlaws, what a waste of time, thanks for nothing Butterball
←Rate | 11-23-2017 10:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 manufacturers, each of whom was the lowest bidder? Anyways...have safe flight when you head home for Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-22-2017 10:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A buddy of mine told me he was having sex with twins... I asked how do you tell them apart... He said, Her brother has a mustache. . .
←Rate | 11-22-2017 10:05 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon "A vodka, please." "Sir, this is McDonalds." "OK, a McVodka please."
←Rate | 11-22-2017 07:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On this Thanksgiving I am thankful to all of your post that make me look funny on Facebook.
←Rate | 11-22-2017 06:30 by Otis Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Watching Porn] How is there not lipstick everywhere?!
←Rate | 11-22-2017 01:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 21:52 by UKGuy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please buy my new book: Losing weight while staying drunk.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 19:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tom Steyer just donated 25 million to the, "Let's Get REALLY Dumb Foundation"
←Rate | 11-21-2017 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chuck Schumer just released a new book, it's called; "How to Be a Giant Jack A$$"
←Rate | 11-21-2017 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An untalented gymnast walks into a bar....
←Rate | 11-21-2017 16:28 by Sammy Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: NINTH CIRCUIT COURT OF APPEALS OVERTURNS TRUMP'S TURKEY PARDONS.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sales of sexbots have been skyrocketing. I wonder if they make an underage one? That's gonna be the hot seller among Hollywood and Democrats.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 15:28 by TallMtnMan Comments (5)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Use Shazam in your Uber to blow your drivers mind with your knowledge of their obscure immigrant music.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 13:09 by AkeelyMac Comments (0)  


   messageicon My cat has a fun new game called Catch & Release.. It catches the mice outside and brings them into the house and releases them.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 12:06 by Mic Comments (0)  


   messageicon After the Lavar Ball incidence, I now understand why Trump hates blacks.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After watching Lavar Ball I know know why his son steals and thinks he is entitle .
←Rate | 11-21-2017 09:27 Comments (0)  


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