Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Has "stump" broke the record for being the dumbest flip flopping president yet?
←Rate | 10-23-2018 00:11 by IDTN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Flip flop trump now says "lying ted is beautiful ted. "
←Rate | 10-22-2018 22:05 by IDTN Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm that type of a guy who puts a song on repeat until the artist begs for water
←Rate | 10-22-2018 21:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon . A Hypochondriac is a person who can't leave well enough alone.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 21:43 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Come on people he’s now threatening to back out of a nuclear arms deal imposed in the 80’s just to prove a point that doesn’t need to be made. You’re paychecks aren’t any bigger.. your taxes aren’t any lower. Do what’s right! Please!
←Rate | 10-22-2018 21:41 by Meh! Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the police shut down the town brothel. There was a sign that read, beat it, this brothel is closed.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 21:31 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon The villians from, The Hills Have Eyes, reminds me of Trump supporters.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I try to see things from "his" point of view. But I can't stick my head that far up my a**.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 20:31 by IDTN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to your 40's. You now yawn so hard, you shake.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright untill you hear them speak.
←Rate | 10-22-2018 00:25 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes I'll be leaving the jean jacket on during foreplay.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:37 by Luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:35 by luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:34 by luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon my girlfriend thinks I am in capable of being faithful my wife on the other hand.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 12:27 by luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say to write what you know. Chapter One: Farts
←Rate | 10-21-2018 11:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you run out of money at the fair, remember you can eat as much mustard & ketchup as you want for free.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 11:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish I was confident enough to wear a pink, all velvet track suit with a fanny pack.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon high school led us to believe that so much of our adult working lives would require poster board
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a solicitor calls, I just hand the phone to my 8-year-old and tell him this nice lady wants to hear every last detail about your Minecraft village.
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:48 Comments (0)  


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