santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   It’s safe to unplug your Christmas lights until next year.

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!

   Don’t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.

   The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.

   Opportunity does not knock; it presents itself when you beat down the door.

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party

   Can anybody cover my shift tonight? ~ Santa Claus

   Now it's too hot out to take the Christmas lights down.

   to the people who put antlers and a red rudolph nose on your car for christmas, you can’t fool me I know that’s a car

   I’m going to write a modern Christmas song called “baby is cold outside” it’s the story of a woman arguing with her husband about the thermostat

   me: [listening to The Twelve Days of Christmas] "no person wants this many birds"

   We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch

   The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.

   Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.

   A recent study found that the possibly of work place violence increases significantly when someone puts Christmas music on the office radio in mid-November.

   The Lexus commercials with the Christmas bow on the car never show the pissed off wife yelling "You're an idiot Tom! We can't afford this!"

   Why do the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?....any scholars out there?

   Oh come on this is ridiculous! It’s July 8th and people are still setting fireworks off. One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.

   I think for Christmas Mark Zuckerberg should share some of his wealth with us all we helped him make, or at least give us fonts.

   Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.