Trickz100 Funny Status Messages

   I was asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in Egypt, but I suspect it's some sort of pyramid scheme.

   Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can't believe kids this age are already so polite.

   According to my Nike Fuelband, I've just masturbated for 4 miles.

   - I don't need Anger Management, I need for people to not piss me off!!!

   - If Adam and Eve would have been Chinese, they would have simply eaten the snake and left the apple alone!

   I just killed a spider with my shoe. I don't care how big spiders are but no one steals my f*cking shoes!

   Just a kind thought to all those born on February 29th: You've only got 1 year left to plan your birthday party :D

   I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to f*ck off and buy my own.

   facebook suggested me and my ex should be friends. Thats like saying to Facebook 'I think you should be friends with Myspace'.

   - For sale:- One pair of world cup football boots, mint condition, no scuffs, Contact Wayne Rooney for more info.

   - I took my ex out last night. It only took one punch :)

   - - Stephen Hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day.

   Why is it whenever I open a can of evaporated milk, it's still there?

   Some guy knocked on my door earlier today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour." I replied, "You've got the wrong house then mate."

   - Video Games don't make children violent. Lag does.

   I'm pretty sure the hotel receptionist was checking me out!

   - My wife said she is going to leave me if I dont stop my bad habbits. I nearly choked on my toe nail.

   - If round pegs fit in round holes, and square pegs fit in square holes, why isnt my c*ck shaped like an axe?

   - What do women and clouds have in common? Occasionally they f*ck off and it's a really nice day.

   - Bored? Go to Google and play with their logo, see if you can knock a circle off the screen with the mouse (excluding the top part) :D