Kelevra Funny Status Messages

   can never enjoy Sundays, because in the back of my mind I know I have work the next day. It's like trying to enjoy your last meal before execution.

   Try this, the next time your friend is drunk, switch his/her mom's number with their girlfriend/boyfriend's...

   : Am I the only one who sat in class during high school and imagined what I would do to people if I could stop time?

   Go to Google Translating tool. From English to French, translate "Take a Dirty Picture for me." Then Copy and Paste back into the box the French words and Translate from French to English.

   Some women talk way too much. Sometimes I wish they can run out of minutes like cell phones. Her - "Let me tell you something else..." You - "Haha, You can only talk on nights and weekends now!"

   I hate when people tell you their life story against your will. I think it's a form of low level rape.

   Go to Google Translate and translate from German to German. Paste this into the box "pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpvpvzk kkkkk bsch" Click Listen!

   A boomerang is a Frisbee for lonely kids.

   Whoever at Comedy Central decided that they should allow The Situation to be a roast should be fired. His set was more painful than getting a three-fingered prostate exam!

   Ctrl+V...Ruining every sense of originality since its invention.

   How long does it take for an ejaculation to become mature?

   "You can't see London. You can't see France, until we see your underpants." -TSA

   My girlfriend complains that I don't tell her how much I love her. I don't want to upset her.

   "Hey Mary, what is this I hear about you having sex with God for money?" "Oh. Nothing. I was just trying to make a little prophet."

   Am I the only one who feels that if I had to describe urine's color and possible taste, that I should point to a yellow Vitamin Water?

   I heard that a guy fell out fo the 13th story window of a building and he died! Spooky...